TW: Sexual Assault
Let’s talk about hypersexuality.
Frankly, hypersexuality can be misunderstood, despite its prevalence. Kati Morton explains hypersexuality as a coping mechanism where someone becomes overly sexual, that develops from childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault. This can manifest as seeking multiple partners, frequently talking about sex, heavily focusing on sex in relationships or other forms of sexual expression. Some of Morton’s clients reached out saying they didn’t understand their hypersexual tendencies themselves. No matter how one copes, their experience is valid.
To clarify, being hypersexual does not mean being addicted to sex. Experiencing hypersexualization as a coping method is less about sex and more about what sex represents. Typically, hypersexualization stems from a need that someone is trying to fulfill.
Understanding sex’s pacifying elements can help us understand excessively sexual behaviors. One reason people may cope this way is to regain control of their bodies. They get to decide how much sex they want and who they have sex with. This may come from a place of wanting to “reverse the roles” in terms of power, as described by Morton. The value of sex may be replaced with a feeling of being in control. An individual may seek sexual situations to establish authority over their sex life, even if that situation is dangerous.
Another element of hypersexuality is misplaced validation. If one’s self-esteem or worth becomes associated with sex, then satisfying those needs can be conditional on someone wanting them sexually. This reaction can result from being constantly sexualized or told that they’re only deserving of love if they have sex.
Although this is a common response among survivors, it’s not often talked about. Misinterpreting hypersexuality can dangerously feed into victim-blaming. On the opposite side of the spectrum, one response to sexual trauma is avoidance. However, it’s a common misconception that every survivor responds with avoidance of sex. Due to a lack of awareness, others might not believe a survivor’s side of the story or turn to victim-blaming when they see someone displaying trauma-induced hypersexuality.
It’s important to validate every experience and believe survivors when they come forward.
To learn more about hypersexualization, I recommend watching Kati Morton’s video “Hypersexuality as a Result of Abuse” as well as checking out Kelley Miller’s video about her experience with hypersexualization.
The Speak Now Space provides a supportive online presence for survivors. If you need to speak with anyone, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) has a 24/7 hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), and live online chat.