Reaching Out

I think that we have all reached a point in this semester where we could use a hug. For most of my life, I have never been a very touchy person. Self-proclaimed “huggers” make me uncomfy and I love my personal space. However, other than the lasagna they used to serve in South, being able to hug my friends is one of the things I’ve missed most this semester. Being from South Bend too, I occasionally drop by home to change out my summer clothes for fall or to say hi to my family. Now, with the fear of unintentionally getting my family sick, I keep my distance even in my own house, and the six feet between us feels like miles. 

Of course, this was to be expected coming back to campus this semester. I assumed, like our socially distanced dining halls or wearing masks to class, that the limited physical connection would be something we’d get used to, but especially as the semester carries on, isolation is taking its toll. During my first semesters on campus, prior to now, of course, I was surprised by how affectionate Notre Dame’s student body is. The norm was always to hug that old friend when you walked by them on South Quad or to squeeze in another person into your booth in the basement of Lafun that was already way too full. Now, physical touch, that was once a means of relief, is a source of fear and anxiety for a lot of us. What seemed like a momentary setback is becoming a new norm, and it’s upsetting and scary. 

Beyond those who identify physical touch as their “love language,” we as human beings have a basic need as a foundation of our connection with others. It’s obviously important for our emotional well-being, but it plays a part in our physical health as well. Studies show that physical touch is correlated with greater cognitive and physical performance, a stronger immune system, reduced agression, greater self-esteem and reduced stress. Given the current global health crisis, people are experiencing touch starvation on top of the loss of loved ones and the plans we had made, all while trying to maintain as much of our normal workload as we can. Clearly, the physical and emotional isolation seem to feed off of one another. 

But what is the resolution? Is there one other than to wait it out? Living on a campus with almost 7,000 other students, we can’t just start hugging strangers, but we have to compensate for this physical isolation somehow. With the lack of physical closeness, it is now more important to check in on your friends, communicate openly and do your best to reach out in new ways. I have always been fascinated by the love languages test (I’ve made basically everyone I know take it). I think that especially during this time when we are physically isolated, this test can be super useful. While physical touch is mostly off the table for the time being, words of affirmation and quality time in particular are still powerful ways to stay connected to friends, romantic partners, or even family. I’ve personally found that talking on the phone to my mom constantly and getting dinner with my friends every night helps me to not isolate myself completely, but especially this semester, it takes effort to not fall off.  Remember that everyone is going through the same thing and you are not alone. 

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• isolation
• love language