Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with both generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. Every day, I wake up feeling anxious to the point where I struggle to get things done. When it’s time for bed, I have a tough time falling asleep because my brain doesn’t shut up, forcing me to constantly worry over things that are out of my control.
As a child, I was very shy – I did make friends through school and sports, but I was always a more reserved and quiet kid. However, I don’t think it was as bad as it has gotten over the last few years. Once I left high school, I felt so alone and feared any interaction I had with another person.
I was told to “go out and talk to people” – that did nothing for me because my fear of being watched and judged ruled over my life. I was extremely self-conscious about myself in ways such as my physical appearance and personality. I lost contact with a few people I was close to because I allowed my social anxiety to take over – I isolated myself because I believed no one wanted to be around me.
My first two years of college at Brookdale were really tough – no one was around long enough to be friends with because it was community college. I loved my time at Brookdale, but I wish I could have had a more social experience there than I did. I also worked while I went to school, so that left minimal time for me to partake in any extracurriculars.
After I graduated from Brookdale in 2019 and transferred to Monmouth, I decided I wasn’t going to let my social anxiety take over anymore – I was going to do things that took me out of my comfort zone and made me happy.
I started writing for the student-run newspaper, The Outlook, as soon as school started. I still remember how freaked out I was to ask if I could write for them – I was on the verge of tears, texting my parents that I couldn’t do it out of fear of being rejected and judged. Eventually, I got up, went to their office, and submitted my application. Later on, I wrote plenty of articles for them that allowed me to feel more confident in myself and my writing, which I am so grateful for.
Once I got more accustomed to Monmouth, I realized it wasn’t so hard talking to people. I have interacted with and became friends with some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I thought it would be hard to make friends as a commuter student, but I have made a few, including my fellow Transfer Hawks that I met this semester through mentoring them.
Another pivotal moment for me to overcome my social anxiety is writing for Her Campus. I was extremely nervous about joining the group out of, of course, the fear of others judging me or rejecting my work. I have to say this is one of the best groups I have ever been a part of. Everyone is so kind and uplifting, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. Also, being able to publish a piece like this is incredible, and I am so thankful to have this experience in my life.
My time at Monmouth has taught me a lot and helped me get through my anxious thoughts. I have focused a lot of energy into creating the best version of myself. I have learned to not be afraid to step out of my comfort zone – it is better to embrace my fears as it has lessened my anxiety tremendously. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is to believe in myself; I have gained so much confidence that I lost and I couldn’t feel happier about it.
Overcoming my social anxiety is not something that is achieved overnight. It takes years to reach a place in life where you are confident in yourself and realize that other people aren’t judging you or looking at you.
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I’ve worked so hard already, and it’s brought so much light into my life. I can’t wait to continue to grow into the woman I am destined to be – fearless and comfortable in my own skin.