Too many times I find myself asking this question.
It wasn’t until I found myself asking this question to someone for the second time that I realized something had to change in the way I view relationships. While you may think someone is an amazing person, you have fun with them, they make you feel good when you’re with them, etc. (the list goes on and on), that does not always mean that that particular relationship is meant for you. You should never be in a relationship with someone if you feel compelled to ask them what they want from you in order for you to obtain reciprocated feelings.
But the real question is this: Why is it that I ask what someone else wants? Why don’t I ask myself what I want?
In all my relationships—whether that be with friends, family, or a significant other—I find myself diving in deep. When I love, I love hard. I let that love consume me. However, feeling your emotions so intensely often comes with a consequence: a lot of pain. Just because you give your entire self to someone, does not mean that they will do the same.
It can be difficult to find those that return the love you keep trying to give them. Maybe it’s luck, maybe it’s a skill that I have yet to learn, but either way, it is important to know that while you can choose who you love, you can not choose who loves you back.
Too often, I am hit with the harsh reality that I can not be loved by the people I choose. There is something to be said about knowing when to let go of the reigns. If they truly care about you, they will prove that to you. If not, then you need to set that person free. The more effort you put into the wrong people, the more disappointed and broken you will become.
For some odd reason, when the effort lacks on one side of a relationship, you tend to try harder to keep that relationship afloat. However, the truth is that if all you do is put effort into someone who isn’t meant for you, you are going to end up more broken by the time you finally decide to let them go. And if you are hesitant to let go because of all the time you have invested in them, you need to start thinking about how much time you could be wasting by holding on to them.
So, I constantly need to train myself.
If I find myself in a position where I am constantly questioning if that person actually cares about me, I have to tell myself to take a step back. Instead of putting more effort into that relationship, I must think about whether or not I am truly wanted in their life. As harsh as that sounds, I know that I will end up more hurt by keeping the wrong people around. No relationship is worth it if you are constantly questioning yourself. You need to know your own worth. You can not place your worth in the people who are unable to see it.
When I look back on the times I asked the question “What do you want from me?” I relate the memory to a feeling of complete mistreatment. The thought of those words actually coming out of my mouth makes my stomach turn. I had hit rock bottom in those relationships. I should have let go. I couldn’t see clearly enough to realize that those relationships weren’t giving me anything except heartache and anxiety.
Now, as we are all in a rush to get back to normal after this quarantine, I encourage you all to take this time to evaluate what relationships are worth rushing back to. If you find yourself in a state of constant confusion with someone, they may not be meant for you. You may need to let those people go. If those people come back to you, that’s great! I am by no means advising you to cut people off. I simply want you all to put your energy into those who truly love and care for you. You will never have to question the real ones.
