Isn’t it funny that strangers care who someone loves and what it supposedly means when they do? We see this when people react to any type of relationship — straight, queer, age gap, poly and more. Some care because they think it’s interesting, others because they relate and want to learn more and then there are those who care because they disagree. No matter the reason, relationships shown on television shows get more attention like this than most. There have been a couple instances lately that show polyamorus relationships on T.V. without chastising the people in the relationship. I hear you, what’s polyamory? What shows can I find it on? Well, let’s discuss.
Polyamory is an intimate relationship between more than one person, but there are details to unpack which add layers to that definition. As explained by Elizabeth Hartney, polyamory is seen between married and unmarried people, or a mix of both. But one person can’t be married to two people (at least not legally in the US), as that’s polygamy. It could be that two of three people share physical but not emotional relationships or vice versa. It’s also possible that one set or group of partners takes priority over others, but that should be discussed in their boundaries. Most importantly, in a polyamorus relationship everyone involved knows about other partners and agrees to the relationship. Otherwise, being in another relationship while already in one without the knowledge and acceptance of the other person is cheating, and if you’re married, adultery. So, in more detail, polyamory is an emotional and/or physical relationship with more than one consenting partner.
“The L Word,” like “Queer As Folk,” was a cornerstone for many of us when we were gay babies trying to find our way. If you haven’t heard, we got a continuation, “The L Word: Generation Q.” Yes, Shane (Katherine Moennig) is there but we’re here to talk about Alice for now. It’s Alice who’s in a polyamorous relationship and honestly, is that a surprise? This relationship started between Alice and Nat as Nat was separating from her wife Gigi. Then Gigi was invited into their couple, which made a throuple. Aside from some jealousy and repressed love, the relationship is depicted in a positive manner. “The L Word: Generation Q” showed Alice, Nat and Gigi trying to care for each other and children. The relationship seems more like Nat loving Alice and Gigi while Alice and Gigi love Nat but not each other, though they all three share a physical relationship. This relationship is healthy with its sense of responsibility, their conversations that promote emotional validation and their aim to be honest. A substantial display of polyamory!
The second show is “House Hunters.” Unlike “The L Word: Generation Q,” it’s not a drama where you can follow the relationship. But it did put another throuple out into the world. This relationship wasn’t analyzed in depth on screen, considering the time limit of one episode, and it’s not quite the subject matter of the show, but who people are does come into the decision of buying a house. By being on the show “House Hunters,” this relationship is already validating polyamory by showing that it’s not an unstable dynamic. They’re making positive life altering decisions together. As mentioned above, polygamy isn’t legal so these three had their own commitment ceremony to symboloze their dedication to one another, which they spoke about on their episode. Their relationship got the attention of people thankful for visualization and those who were concerned for the stability of society. This, along with legal concepts when it comes to a serious polyamorous relationship, was discussed in an article by NBC News. For spreading awareness in a positive manner, this depiction of polyamory was also a success!
Polyamory might be confusing or it might just make sense to you. Maybe you’re one of the people who loves two or more others equally, or someone who feels emotionally safe with one person but physically attracted to another. Whether we’re validated through this representation or celebrating it without being polyamorous ourselves, let’s enjoy this positive media exposure!