I am struggling. There, I said it. Living through this pandemic has taught me a lot about
my self-identity. Having this time to reflect made it clear to me that I am not very comfortable with
myself. This is not to say that I am not confident; what I mean is that I do not know who I am
without my usually hectic schedule. I’m not sure how many people will be able to relate to this
but since high school I believe I have based my entire identity on my grades and work. Free time
is something that until now has been completely foreign to me. Because of this I struggle to
identify what it is I want, or even like, without these taken-for-granted privileges.
That being said, I feel lucky to experience this struggle now rather than when starting my
career. This is an opportunity to explore and become familiar with who I truly am. I hope this
experience will be able to help me guide the remainder of my education towards meeting my
goals rather than letting my degree define me and become my only goal.
I have begun this process in a number of ways. First, I have allowed myself time in which
I can unplug. I have always believed media of any kind can, at times, be harmful. For me, the images
of what a woman should be have been very influential. Leading me to chase an identity which
did not truly line up with who I am. This being said I still need some Tik Toks and reality T.V in
my life. So, every night I take at least an hour to either do yoga or journal. In both cases I reflect
on the day and what it is I believe I should be working towards. Secondly, and I know I will get a
few eye rolls for this, I work out. For me I can hear my inner monologue clearest when I am
physically challenging myself. I find that I have been more into fitness now than I have been
throughout the school year. The biggest change I have noticed from this new routine is I have
this inner self encouragement throughout the day. I have always had an inner drive, but this is a
sense of validation I did not have before.
I hope everyone is trying to stay productive during this time even if that means doing as I
am and working on yourself. Most of all I hope everyone is staying healthy and at home. I have a
feeling that once I discover myself I might get sick of myself if we do not control the curve while
we can.