Over the years, I have constantly heard a particular question about dating: “Who is your type?” I have also noticed how some people seem to have well-planned answers, while others list some shallow aspects of people they liked in the past. This question has been more troubling to me lately, though. I am beginning to think that I should go beyond what I think I may like because “my type” may be more restrictive than I might think.
A big part in this is how having a “type” is reductive to people. For example, if someone likes blondes that fact alone cannot tell us about anything about the personalities of blondes because we know all blonde people do not act the same. When dating someone, hair color is not likely to be a focus of what holds a couple together.
Expanding upon this, we should consider the following: people should not be categorized in regards to dating because it makes dating feel less intimate and more like picking out what kind of cuisine you want for dinner. We should allow ourselves to see other people as individuals and not as types we think we may or may not desire. Checking off various boxes of what your “type” entails does not mean you will truly be compatible with this person. Love is not something that happens to people, it is something to be worked on if one wishes to have a good, intimate relationship with a specific person.
Also, it is important to understand that just because you think you have a type, you could be missing out on so many different types of people by staying with the same sort of person. It is important not to get caught up with what you think you want because, more times than not, it is about figuring out what we need rather than what we want. There are so many different people in the world, and dating only those who accommodate a shallow list of attributes may be a dead end in the road to a long-lasting relationship.
So, take a leap faith and leave the dating comfort zone. Throw out the shallow checklists. If you must have a checklist, then focus on things you can only learn after at least a date or two, which is whether this other person meets your standards of good character, morals and values. Yes, we like to believe that love can happen at first sight, and sometimes that does happen. But, that is because those first-sight lovers eventually find out they actually get along and respect each other. There is at least one person out there who has a lot to offer, but we have to let that person in if we wish to connect at all.