I woke up the other day in a somewhat fearful, but excited panic because it’s my birthday this week. It is a birthday that we all eagerly wait for throughout our teenage years. Turning 21 felt like a faraway dream when you were 16 years old and just inhaling your first breaths of freedom. But before I knew it, I was in my third year of college and that dream was happening in a few days. Turning 21 means no longer do I have to bear black sharpie X’s on the back of my hands and can wine and dine essentially wherever I want – the movie theaters, restaurants, grocery stores, you name it. It is a year of young adult fun and exploration of freedom. On the more serious side, now I am considered a legal adult and some expectations come with turning this age. But that could be saved for a whole other story.
I admit that some days I do feel behind. My birthday is creeping around the corner and I can’t help but feel like I’ve been missing out on something. At 21 years old, you would figure I’d have at least a few relationships under my belt. That I could reminisce on awkward dates and smile back on past lovers. But I don’t have any of that. Unless you count my middle school boyfriend who lasted a total of three months. That is the extent of the romance I have encountered. Don’t get me wrong, the teddy bear he bought me for Valentine’s Day was soft and the chocolates were sweet, but our best date was me watching him play baseball from the bleachers. And those metal seats were far from comfortable.
I will be the first to agree that you don’t need a significant other to feel happy. A boyfriend is not a solution to fulfilling my life. The power of total satisfaction comes from within, but it is also true that life is not nearly as much fun without love and a whole lot of romance. I am an English major and my passions growing up have always revolved around books and writing. Romantic fiction has drastically altered my expectations and perceptions of relationships. I look forward to those fairy tale moments of holding a stereo above your head as music pours out of the speakers to help you win the girl. Or showing up at the airport to beg him to turn around and miss the flight. Those brief moments of complete vulnerability where you are willing to lay your heart all out on the line in the name of love.
I have enjoyed being able to support my friends throughout the years when they come to me for relationship advice. I also love hearing about moments with their significant others that make them beam with excitement. But it always feels different hearing someone talk about love instead of being in love yourself.
There was a period where I felt embarrassed about my dating history or lack thereof, but then I realized that it is okay to wait for something great. There are several guys I have crossed paths with who I briefly considered what a relationship with them would be like. I think it is only normal as a teenager to grow up and want to be in love, but it seemed it was not working out for me. I often found myself questioning what I was doing wrong. It took time to understand that I am not doing anything wrong. I just have not found the right person yet.
I am a firm believer in when you know, you just know. And I am hoping to come across that. I may be 21 years old and in a relationship with only myself, but I am looking for love. I know that when it is the right time, I will not miss the opportunity.
Want to see more HCFSU? Be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest!