This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UC Irvine chapter.

Overwhelming, fast-paced, bewildering, exciting, exhausting — college can be any of these and all of these at any given moment. When you go to a large university (*cough* like a U.C.) where everyone seems to know what they’re doing and midterms roll out from weeks three through eight, it is especially easy to be swept up in the swell of the massive college wave. I, for one, get all caught up in the familiar mentality of maximizing time commitments and investments and trying to stay driven and focused on that delightful, amorphous blob that is The Future, while attempting to take care of my health. I get so absorbed that I often lose my perspective in college’s pressure-cooker environment. My viewpoint zooms in myopically. Suddenly, exams feel like life or death affairs, and whether or not I nail down a job or internship is the determinant of if I will EVER achieve “success.”

That being said, I also value my mental health and sanity. I actively and regularly remind myself to slow things down and reorient my perspective. In an effort to quell any college-emergent insecurities that you might also feel, here are some reminders to cut through the college grime in your mind, even if just for a moment.

1. Nobody really knows what they’re doing.

You might be thinking, “That’s easy enough to say, but what about the people who already have jobs and internships lined up?” And I would ask you to try to remember: a good chunk of the college student population is comprised of teenagers.The rest may be 20 somethings (or older — all the respect and acknowledgment there), but let’s be real, that’s just a baby step up from being a big baby masquerading as an adult (read: teenager). Now, I’m not trying to throw any shade at teenagers, I’m just trying to point to the fact that we are, for the most part, really young. High school is by no means a preparation for life. A lot of us don’t understand how to do our taxes, and a whole lot of us don’t know how to feed ourselves beyond ramen and fast food. Logically, how can we be expected to know what we’re doing at school, never mind with our lives? I’m here to remind you that it may look like the people around you know what they’re doing (you may even think you know what you’re doing) but really, we’re all just fledglings out here trying to “fake it until we make it.” We attend our classes and build our laundry mountains and fumble through interviews and follow the motions, hoping that it will take us somewhere. And it will, although you may not know where just yet.

2. Comparing yourself to other people is a moot point.

Not to be too cliché here, but everyone is doing something different. You may find someone who is very similar to you, but ultimately there will be differences, whether in personality, background, experience, or just outlook on life. It doesn’t make sense to compare yourself to the people around you; comparisons just make life feel like a rat race. We don’t really know what’s going on in another person’s life and mind, but by comparing ourselves and our own situations to an imagined construction of others’ hypothetical, happy-go-lucky lives, all we achieve is greater stress and a sense of inferiority. That being said, I know the temptation to compare is so strong. In fact, it often feels subconscious, like an instinctive process rather than an active choice of your own. In order to combat this urge, I urge you to actively keep the following points in mind.

What you see on the surface of somebody’s life and the resulting image you construct in your mind do not make up the whole picture and are not necessarily true. At Stanford University, psychologists actually came up with a term to describe the phenomenon: “duck syndrome.”¹ Essentially, duck syndrome describes a situation wherein, like a duck gliding on the surface of the water, students seem to manage interviews, jobs, classes, social lives, clubs, etc. fairly well, while unseen under the surface of the water, they’re desperately, exhaustingly, almost clumsily paddling their flippers trying to push forward. Most people don’t really share the depths of their struggles. Sure, we gripe about midterms and all-nighters, but we rarely talk about how we’re feeling, our breakdowns, or our low moments because those are bummer topics, and surely everybody else is doing fine! When we don’t truly share, we assume that other people are doing great, and it sure looks like it on social media, where the highlights reel has never been realer (excuse my pun). I want to remind you that, yes, people are happy, AND they struggle and feel bad just as much as you do. Don’t get it twisted, you’re NOT alone in your pain, just like you’re not alone in your happiness. I encourage you to talk to your friends honestly, vulnerably, and if they’re honest and vulnerable in return, you might both feel a little bit better and a little less alone.

3. Give yourself a moment to celebrate the little (or big!) victories in life.

It’s so easy to acclimate to a new standard once you make a change in your life. When I started working out again for the first time in a LONG time, I started with a short jog. Instead of feeling happy with myself for finally getting a workout in, I immediately thought about doing more next time. Ignoring my achievement to focus on the next task just led to more pressure and less of a chance that I would actually do another workout. Now, I like to take the time to appreciate every workout, however intense it may be. I relish in the post-workout feeling of accomplishment rather than launch myself right away into planning for and anticipating the next workout. The great bonus to changing my mentality? I exercise way more often than I used to because it’s enjoyable now! So the next time you go to sleep a little bit earlier or finish an assignment, take the time to feel a little pride — you’re out here at school hustling to improve yourself one way or another, so why not enjoy the fruits of your efforts along the way?

4. Burnout is real. Mental illness is real. So, give yourself real breaks.

I was so burnt out from high school. I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety in my senior year. Instead of paying any mind to those glaring red flags, I told myself to just deal with it, and leapt straight into college without a second thought. During that first year — I’ll give myself a little credit — I had some vague idea of needing offtime. And in the name of offtime, I watched hours of Netflix, Hulu, and Youtube. Your girl covered all her bases. However, not to get too “therapy-esque” here, in actuality I was just distracting myself from stress and my depression and anxiety. I didn’t confront any of my issues (including school work at one super fun point), and everything piled up until it overwhelmed me. Long story short, I ended up taking a whole entire gap year after my first year because it just got to be too much. Now, I don’t regret taking that gap year, it was good for me. That being said, I might’ve been in a better place after my first year had I given myself more substantial breaks. Watching shows felt good in the moment, but usually left me feeling unproductive and unmotivated afterward. I’ve found I get more fulfilling rest in working out (counterintuitive, I know), hanging out with friends, reading, and engaging in my hobbies (like singing, volleyball, painting, and baking). For me, these things don’t shut off my mind; rather, they let me process my day, my thoughts, and my feelings with the added benefit of creative or social entertainment. All this is not to diss TV — I for sure still watch Parks and Rec. The differences now are that I recognize when that watching turns from entertainment to avoidance, and I know to give myself rest in other, ultimately more satisfying, ways.

5. It’s okay to dislike partying … and it’s okay to like partying.

Respect your feelings and preferences, so long as you do so in a safe and healthy way for you and others. For some people, partying releases tension; for others, it creates tension. It’s just like any other hobby or activity. I like playing volleyball for stress relief, and other people don’t. It should be obvious, but college makes partying feel like the primary form of social interaction and status (sorry, my sociology major is showing). Well, I’m here to tell you now that partying is not in fact a necessary component of the college experience, even though it is a notorious one. There are so many ways to get to know people — it’s just a matter of finding what works best for you.

6. You are not alone in your loneliness.

Feeling lonely is common, and everyone is susceptible to it, regardless of their ostensible social lives or connections. I’ve known some bubbly and extroverted people who’ve shared with me times when they’ve felt sad or disconnected from the world. I used to be one of those bubbly, extroverted people, and I can say without a doubt I felt loneliness in a real, aching way. Our emotions aren’t necessarily logical, but it makes sense that a lot of college students feel a displacement or disconnection at school. We usually leave behind some sort of family and community structures, often ones that have supported us for the majority of our lives, and drop ourselves into a gigantic pool of strangers whom we have to get to know and connect with. Some of us find our niche in college, and a whole lot of us don’t. And that’s okay. Let yourself feel your loneliness, remember that other people are out there feeling it, too, and remember that there’s always opportunities to connect to people, within and without college.

7. Don’t take life too seriously!

Life is tough, and college can be the pits. But remember: your time is your own. It’s good for you to take the time to laugh at life, yourself, or the world. A little laughter can help bring things into perspective. I’ve found it’s sometimes helpful to think of life in terms of comedy TV, like The Office, Parks and Recreation, Age of Youth, the list goes on. When dumb things happen, like forgetting my laptop at home just in time for all of my lectures to happen, I look at “the camera” in true Office fashion, shrug, and ask somebody for a pen. The characters on any of one those shows mess up and do stupid things and forget themselves and make so many questionable decisions; yet, we as the audience are still invested in them. We might be invested in them for their very silliness and chaos. Then remember that art imitates life (or vice versa, I can never remember), and your life may not be a tv show, but you can, nay DESERVE, to take the time to laugh at yourself and enjoy life a little, even when it’s at your own expense.

¹Tiger Sun, Duck Syndrome and a Culture of Misery, STANFORD DAILY, Jan. 31, 2018, https://www.stanforddaily.com/2018/01/31/duck-syndrome-and-a-culture-of-… (last visited Oct. 23, 2019).

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Reminders to Stay Centered in College

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