It’s been one of those weeks. One of those weeks where the only light at the end of the tunnel is a big Notre Dame football game that seems eons away. How did I make it this far? The solution that I always turn to, that always gets me through is John Mulaney. No matter how many times I watch Kid Gorgeous, New Kid In Town or The Comeback Kid, I’m always on the floor laughing. The words that come out of John Mulaney’s mouth are gospel, so here are some of my favorites that should become everyone’s new religion.
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On growing up
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“I look back on being 17 and think, “Oh my God, how did I not die?”
(Interview with Esquire)
You’ve made it this far! That’s an awesome accomplishment that shows you must be doing something right. If you can survive puberty, you can survive anything.
- On knowing your self-worth
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“‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’’ You’re not allowed to milk a cow that you don’t own. That’s not even a situation. Was that a problem at one point?”
Take the time to appreciate you. No one owns you! No one can tell you what to do! No one is allowed to walk all over you because you are strong, powerful and full of life. Roam free!
- On self-care
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“In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”
Cancel plans. Put on a romantic comedy. Pop some popcorn. There is no greater rush than being in your jammies with no worries. So go cancel those plans, you self-indulgent introvert!
- On the college experience
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“College was like a four-year game show called “Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need To Go To Sleep?”
Amen to this. Most of the time all my worries wash away with a good night’s sleep (most of the time). If you want to crush the college game show, just get some rest!
- On finances
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“All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.”
(Interview with the New York Magazine)
It’s okay to not understand. It’s okay to ask for help. Have your dad explain the stock market a billion times if you need to because it’s okay not to know the answers and to look for help!
- On patience
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“You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out and you get beautiful toddlers.”
(Interview with Hitfix)
You were just a little ball of cartilage and look at you now, you stunning beauty! Things take time. In fact, usually, the most beautiful things in life take the most time.
- On being interesting
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“Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting.”
You can have all the facts in the world, but there is no one like you. No one knows what’s going on in your head so go share your awesome personality with the world! You are so interesting and people would much rather listen to your conspiracy theories than talk about the weather!