At this point in time, we as a collective society have finally come to the conclusion that mental health problems are real and prevalent throughout all ages. We’ve even made progress– on October 10th, we celebrate World Mental Health Day. There have been major acts passed which have accelerated mental health care. Those with mental illnesses are beginning to see a greater representation on entertainment platforms, with shows like HBO’s Euphoria, to movies like It’s Kind of a Funny Story and songs like Logic’s 1-800-273-8255. A greater effort was put into studies, which, in turn, moved treatment from lobotomies and poor state hospitals to safe medication and advanced therapy methods. Mental health is starting to become normalized.
And yet, there is still a long way to go. We’re being held back by a stigma– a word that typically goes hand-in-hand with mental health awareness. It’s nothing new, either. In fact, mental health has been heavily stigmatized since the start of time, which influences why many people see these problems as shameful and taboo in today’s times. Because mental illnesses do not physically manifest themselves, often times there is a lack of understanding of the severity that they can reach. The stigma, in its varying degrees, holds people back from having a conversation that is extremely necessary.
The reality is that mental illnesses are a really common problem in the United States. Nearly 1 in 5 adults live with mental illnesses– that’s about 46.6 million people. Majority of this population is made up of young adults aged 18-25 years, the typical ages of college students. With such high numbers, it should be something that’s normalized. But out of the 46.6 million, less than half (42.6%) have received mental health services in the past year. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S. on an incline, and the third leading cause of death for adolescents and young adults (ages 10-24), with mass amounts of suicide suspected to go unreported.
One of the biggest ways to lower the statistics is to beat the stigma, and for that to happen, there needs to be education and awareness of how many people actually suffer from it. However, having the conversation is not as easy as it sounds.
I’ve struggled with my mental health for as long as I could remember. In fifth grade, it showed itself in the form of a tearful panic attack while trying to present my project on Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. In middle school, it was self-harm and limiting what I ate to feel better about myself. In high school, it was depressive episodes, not being able to leave my bed for days on end and feelings of complete lonesome. And now, in college, it’s the debilitating and abnormal anxiety, the feeling of frustration and hopelessness as these symptoms still persist.
With all of this came other people’s judgments. There were cases of outright disapproval, but the worst ones were the offensive comments that came from the people you care about. I’d been called “crazy” after breaking down in front of my friends. I’d been told I was burdening at times. I’d been told that my symptoms were not symptoms, but just complaining or being negative. I’d been belittled to thoughtless advice– to just breathe, to just be happy, to just try– without any regard for the fact that I desperately wanted to, but I couldn’t. I’d been told that it would pass with time. I’d been told many things, and all of which had made me feel misunderstood and wrong.
I wanted to avoid the topic, to hide it as much as I could. I felt wrong in myself. Sometimes, I still do. I fight the urge to lie while admitting the realities within this article. There was a lack of understanding from others, and I was too insecure from it to bother to explain.
But I’ve learned that conversation is the only way to develop an understanding. So where do you start and what does that conversation entail?
The first step is to recognize that the reason the conversation has to occur is because of a lack of the aforementioned understanding. It’s easy to be angry at people when they don’t get it, but it’s mainly because they’ve never experienced it (which is certainly not a bad thing). Walking into the conversation with both an expectation and a strong emotion can cause your point to be misconstrued.
The next thing to do is to be as clear and concise as possible. Acknowledge a direct cause and effect: “You said x, and it made me feel y, because… .” It may feel silly at first, but it’s the most effective way to get your point across. If there are any disagreements or defenses, repeat or expand on it as much as possible, but remain level-headed and open. It may just be that they don’t understand the disorder/illness– so explain it!
Once this has been established, you need to explain what you would have liked to happen instead, and what you need to happen the next time a related incident occurs. Again, be as clear as possible! Give reason as to why the proposed solution would be better than what actually happened.
After this, answer any and all questions. Some might be uncomfortable and some might be perceived as obvious, but without an understanding, there will never be an ideal outcome reached. Be polite in your responses, and express your gratitude for them taking the time to listen.
Having said all of that, there is a high likelihood that some misunderstanding with the same person happens again. And, as frustrating as it is, it’s human nature. If and/or when it does occur again, just remind them of your original conversation. Go through the steps once more. Reiterate how important their understanding is to you.
However, if it continues to persist, the harsh truth may need to be acknowledged: they’re not trying hard enough to understand. If there is a clear effort from you to help them comprehend it and you’re not getting the same in return, it might be telling of your relationship with that person. Don’t continue to exert yourself for them– maybe you just need to accept that they aren’t the kind of person that is going to be there for you in life. People like this are inevitable, despite how hard it might be to let them go. At the end of the day, you and your mental health comes first. If they aren’t going to be there for you, let them go.
The key to all of it is understanding. If you are being approached with a conversation like this, try to understand where the person is coming from and their mental state’s effect on their lives. If you are initiating it, understand that people who don’t have the same mental health struggles as you don’t always get it right away. The only way conversation is successful is to be open to explanation and willingness to understand.
This World Mental Health Day, reach out to your friends and talk with them about mental health, because with each conversation taking place, we are fighting back against the stigma and making a difference.