The first year of college is hard. It’s a completely new atmosphere, especially depending on how far away from home you are. The class structure is completely different than what you may have experienced in high school, and you’re surrounded by an entirely new array of people.
When I think back to my own experience, the first word that comes to mind when summing up freshman year is: disastrous. It felt like every single thing that could have gone wrong, went wrong. I couldn’t even get through move-in day without crying because I had gotten lost. I felt so out of place and not at all excited to be out on my own anymore. I’m pretty sure I even told my dad that if the first two weeks didn’t go well, I wanted to come back home.
This was also during a period of my life where my depression and anxiety were at an all-time high and the events that followed only strengthened those emotions. I was in a long-distance relationship at the time, which is hard enough as it is, but the relationship gradually began fizzling out as the first few months passed. Until one day, it was just over. I knew it was over before then, but I certainly clung on and tried to convince myself, and the other person, that it could work. Incessantly focusing on my relationship ending took away from the millions of other things I should have, and could have, been focusing on.
I was completely unmotivated when it came to classes. I hadn’t done a good job of picking out my class schedule since I had no idea what I was doing, but I was too nervous to ask for help. I had picked classes that I didn’t need and classes that I wasn’t ready to take or put the work into. Needless to say, my GPA suffered tremendously, which also greatly affected my mental health. But, I was in this vicious that I couldn’t stop. I felt awful when I missed a class or bombed assignments, but I felt so stuck and like I wasn’t able to change what I was doing.
Making connections with the people around me was also hard. I was still pretty shy at this point in my life, and almost every interaction I had was just anxiety-inducing. I had made a few friends, and I am still very thankful that I had those people during such a difficult time. I just wasn’t taking care of myself in any aspect. I had the freedom to do essentially whatever I wanted, and I took advantage of that in the worst ways possible. Staying out with my friends as late as I wanted, eating whatever I wanted, spending money on whatever I wanted, sleeping as much as I wanted. The list goes on. I just didn’t care about anything, and I didn’t know how to make myself care.
Looking back, it disheartens me to think about how I got to such a low point. When I started high school, which was also difficult due to me being the new kid in a completely new state, I went through similar feelings and experiences. It took me a while, but I had realized how much easier things became when I put the effort in. I was in honors classes, I had gotten involved, I spent time with my friends, and I had made great connections with my teachers. I genuinely cared about doing well and even wanted to excel. I had already been through these things and I thought that I had learned my lesson. Granted, as I got older, anxiety and depression became more prominent factors in my life, and those are things that I have only been able to manage in the most recent years. I guess it was just a combination of things that caused me to spiral downward throughout my freshman year.
I wanted to talk about my experience because I want everyone to know: things can always get better. I am in such a different place now than I was then, and while a lot of that comes from simply growing up, there is also a lot of work that has to be done within yourself. And while that may sound impossible or intimidating, it is worth it to try. I still experienced a fair share of difficulties during my sophomore year of college, and I still hadn’t found a great balance or accomplished everything I wanted to, but I had made a start. After finishing my freshman year with failed classes, a low GPA, and a lost scholarship, I had things that I needed to prove to myself.
I had set myself back so far that there was a point where it didn’t seem like I would graduate on time. While there’s nothing wrong with taking extra time to finish college, I knew it wasn’t an option for me financially. I pushed myself to do better. I was finishing assignments in advance, studying hard for tests, and putting my best effort into everything I turned in. I wasn’t afraid to ask for help anymore, and I met so many people that genuinely wanted to help me succeed. I even went ahead and applied for a scholarship that would help me to take classes over the summer. I made every extra effort that I possibly could because I wanted this so badly.
That was the first year that I had gotten recognized on my university’s President’s List, which means that you earned at least a 3.8 GPA for the semester. By the time sophomore year (and my online summer class) was over, I had raised my GPA by 9 points. I earned my scholarship back and kept it until I graduated, exactly when I was supposed to.
A lot of improvements have been made in my life since then, but this was just the start of me getting to where I wanted to be. As difficult as it can be to look back at where I was at that time in my life, I tell this story because I like to think that it can motivate anyone going through a hard time during college to have hope. No matter how bad things get, they can always improve, and even if your freshman year is terrible, it doesn’t mean that the rest of your college experience will be. It’s hard to pull yourself out of a rut like the one I was in, especially when factors like anxiety and depression come into play, but people and resources are abundant there for you that will help you get to where you need to be. Anyone can make the changes that they want to make and succeed in the ways they want to. Sometimes it just takes a few (rather large) bumps in the road to help you get there.