Change is hard, and oftentimes, it sucks — I’m sure that’s something we can all get behind. No one really likes it, but we are constantly put up with it because it’s inescapable and an integral part of our everyday lives. I have always considered myself as someone who outwardly despises change. Transitioning from middle school to high school, moving houses, or starting my freshman year at college were all sizeable adjustments; however even the little things such as seeing a new doctor or having to drive a different route home due to construction can often seem like insurmountable obstacles to an anxious person such as myself.
Naturally, the phrase “study abroad” wasn’t exactly on my list of top priorities in my first few years of college. Making Wake Forest my “home away from home” took a great deal of time and effort, even though I have the added bonus of staying in my home state, with home only about an hour away from college. When I think back on freshman year, however, I was able to cultivate a routine within a matter of weeks. Adapting myself to a new schedule, managing my time with friends, work, and activities, and forming relationships with professors all became second nature to me. Yet every time a new semester starts and I come face to face with a new routine, my mind is again resistant to change. So, you can imagine my fears coming into a new semester in a foreign country, Spain, knowing full well that I would not only be living here, but also taking classes and immersing myself in the culture and working towards the ultimate goal of becoming fluent in the Spanish language.
Sitting on the plane from Charlotte to Madrid, I kept thinking, what have I gotten myself into. I felt helpless, since there was no way I could change my mind and return to Wake for the semester. I cculdn’t go home one weekend if I was feeling homesick or actually sick, and I couldn’t see my dog for 3 months. These are all minor inconveniences, sure, but I wasn’t confident in the fact that I could ever get used to living full-time in Spain. The overarching concern, one that we all can attest to when faced with change, is not knowing what comes next. I was terrified that my host family and I wouldn’t get along. I wasn’t sure if I could eat the local cuisine, due to my plethora of food allergies. I had a feeling I would get lost every day for the next month. I was worried I would forget how to speak Spanish the minute I stepped off the plane.
Although these fears were undoubtedly magnified on a much larger scale than I had been accustomed to, the sense of familiarity lingered. Each time I notice myself slightly outside of my comfort zone, my instinct is to merely avoid. Although staying in my bubble allows me to feel more comfortable and protects me from being vulnerable, avoiding the situation rather than approaching and celebrating a new experience only amplifies the pent-up frustrations I feel towards culture shock and change as a whole. Rather than fixate on my negative emotions, I have been able to strike a balance between fully embracing the change — such as trying strange foods, learning how to explain the severity of my allergies in Spanish, struggling to buy a new phone plan, interacting with locals — while also accepting the fact that not everything is going to be perfect, and that’s okay — because that’s the only way I’ll learn. Don’t get me wrong, maintaining a positive outlook is still a hefty work in progress. Having a breakdown in Starbucks while trying to write an essay and realizing my friends were in the exact same boat was just what I needed to become accustomed to enjoying the good, the bad, and the ugly. It sounds cheesy for sure, but change is never, and will never, be easy for anyone. My goal for this semester isn’t to just “get through it”, but actually take the time to appreciate this once in a lifetime opportunity that most people don’t necessarily have the pleasure of experiencing. So yeah, we’ll hate on change all we want. Not knowing what lies ahead is terrifying and thrilling at the same time. But maybe next time you see me in January I’ll be speaking fluently in two languages. Here’s to the next 2 months!