Photo by Ben Duchac on Unsplash
“I was born in the wrong generation.”
How many times have you heard those words come out of someone’s mouth? Whether you believe that about yourself or not, I think we can all agree that it’s somewhat false because, well… you’re here.
I hear that all the time, from my peers and friends. Why do we say that? What is that rooted in? In the age of instagram likes and snapchat streaks, people with this mindset are typically yearning for a deeper way of connecting to people, one that doesn’t involve how many followers you have.
In the spirit of trying to be my most intentional self, I wanted to write this story because the amount of genuine connections I have had since arriving at college have been few. There are people that are there for me, people that have similar interests, but few relationships that I feel aren’t begun with someone already having a preconceived notion of who I am, based on campus involvement or social media (and vice versa).
If you’re also someone that thrives on intellectual or emotional connection, then stick around. I made a list of things I learned my first year of college that helped in this department:
1. Look At People When Engaging In Conversation
It may sound silly, but one factor that I feel is commonly overlooked is looking at people you’re speaking to. Make eye contact; let people know that you are hearing them.
2. Actively Listen
Most of us have probably heard about the art of active listening. It’s the bridge between hearing someone and empathizing with someone. When we actively listen, we refrain from inserting our own opinions or experiences until appropriate. It allows us to remember what the person is actually saying, which is a great way to implement foundations for friendships.
3. Find Connections In Your Major/Organizations
Sometimes, the people that are interested in the same things as us are more likely to be good friends, because that common ground is already there. Reach out to people you admire. Make connections with those that will help you grow academically and intrinsically.
5. Take Social Media With A Grain Of Salt
Our generation coined the phrases “best self” and “thriving”… which was actually quite bold of us. The truth is, we are not always our best selves, and I know I am definitely not always thriving. I have been slowly trying to get to know people away from their social media profiles, so they can show me who they are themselves, and I can try to show them!
If you meet someone you think is really cool, maybe wait a while to lurk on their Instagram. If you find yourself overwhelmed with the disingenuity of it all, take a break! I don’t think we were meant to base our daily lives around filtered information of people we barely know.
6. Don’t Compare
Social media has a lot of pros, but one of it’s cons is that it fosters the need to constantly compare yourself to others. At my university, the culture of comparison is quite prevalent, and it doesn’t do any good to think of yourself in terms of other people.