When I first started school, I went to Clemson University. My boyfriend went to University of North Carolina at Charlotte. Starting college at two different universities, in two different states, we knew it was going to be a struggle. Even being only two and a half hours away, we knew we’d have to make some big sacrifices to make our relationship work. Like all things in a successful relationship, this required communication and compromise. This means, when Halloween came around, instead of getting dressed up and going out to campus parties with my friends, I was headed to Charlotte. Every other weekend, when I wasn’t working, I was headed back to see my boyfriend. This doesn’t mean I sacrificed my social life to be with him, I still went out to parties and hung out with my friends regularly (I mean hello, it’s still college). But it did mean we had to communicate our feelings. A lot.
We talked everyday about everything. And it wasn’t because we felt we had to, it’s because we wanted to. This is one of the most important things to evaluate if you’re trying to pull-off a long-distance relationship. For us, talking everyday was natural. There was no pressure, we just felt compelled to tell each other things because we just ~vibe together~. If you feel like talking to your partner is a chore, that might be a sign that you shouldn’t be together. I’ve known a lot of couples that started college in a long-distance relationship and broken it off because keeping up with each other felt like it was too much. This doesn’t mean they stopped caring about each other. Sometimes relationships just end because at the end of the day, the work you’re putting into them is just that – work.
Trust is another huge aspect of long-distance relationships. Because you aren’t together all the time, you obviously need to trust that your partner isn’t breaking their loyalty. This can be a really hard thing to do, especially in today’s age of easy dating app hookups. Because my boyfriend and I are more introverted people who tend to build relationships (especially intimacies) with only people we know very well and are committed to, this wasn’t a huge concern. But for some, it’s the most difficult aspect of long distance relationships. This can be an especially large concern for people with a history of disloyalty. But as stated previously, communication is key.
Above all, making sure your partner feels appreciated and like they’re still a big part of your life is essential. Ask them about their day, tell them you love (or like) them, and that you’re thinking about them. These little things are what will keep you going. I ended up transferring to my boyfriend’s school so I’m not going to pretend I know we could last all 4 years (though I’m pretty sure we could), but I know many couples that have. If you’re currently in a long-distance relationship I hope this helped, and I wish you good luck!