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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Kenyon chapter.

LIBRA

Libras will whine about something all day long without actually taking action to resolve their issues. They tend to be bitter and hypocritical, which basically means that you can’t be successful without them being jealous of you. If you fail, they’re often secretly glad because it makes them feel better about themselves. Can’t deal with conflict.

ARIES

Aries’ couldn’t chill if their life depended on it. They will make decisions impulsively, even if it hurts the other people in their lives. They are inward looking and can’t empathize. Doesn’t shower more than once a week for “environmental reasons.”

VIRGO

Perfectionists to an obsessive degree, Virgos are the type to offer hand sanitizer to everyone they meet. They’re unrealistically optimistic. It could always be “worse.”

 

https://astrostyle.com/learn-astrology/history-of-astrology-timeline/ 

SAGITTARIUS

If you take a Sagittarius shopping and ask if you look in bad in something, you can bet your life that they would say “yes.” Be prepared to have every pimple and body roll pointed out by them and have them ask “to speak to the manager.”  

PISCES

A Pisces is the equivalent of a Christian suburb mom. Says “hmmmm” every two seconds or “well what do you think?” Pretends to have read Infinite Jest. Quotes Romeo and Juliet but hasn’t read any other Shakespeare play. Judges you for drinking rosĂ©, 100% holier than thou, and “leggings aren’t pants”.

AQUARIUS

Wears leather birks, asks you to follow their planner Tumblr. Talks down to you and asks for someone’s credit score on the first date. Only makes small dick jokes and thinks Family Guy is funny. Takes forever to get ready.

SCORPIO

This sign is obsessively bitter, so good luck ever feeling good about yourself when you’re near one. Complains about everyone. Talks shit constantly. Loves ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians.’

 

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/outer-space-constellation-galaxy-163458/

CAPRICORN

Capricorns are the walking version of those weird motivational speakers that would lead D.A.R.E. assemblies in middle school. They complain about how bad cigarettes are but vape constantly. Don’t wash their face before bed and sleep with socks on.  

LEO

If you are a Leo, I have one piece of advice: SHUT UP. We get it, you like talking about yourself. For someone with no personality, you sure think you’re the best thing to ever happen to the planet.  

GEMINI

Geminis are a hot mess. They are constantly having either the best day of their life or the worst, and often at the same time. Drama queen, can’t be subtle. Easily snaps and judges others but can’t get their own lives together. Donald Trump is a Gemini, which essentially sums up everything you need to know about this sign.  

TAURUS

Taurus’ are famously stubborn and have the mentality of a climate change denier. Refuse to listen to the other side of things and never know when to just drop something. Let’s hope you never have opposing political views.  

CANCER  

Clingy and whiny, they have the maturity level of a twelve-year-old. Constantly crying and comforting themselves by buying overpriced iced coffee and avocado toast. Can’t budget.  

April Murphy

Kenyon '22

Hey ya'll! My name is April Murphy. I'm a freshman at Kenyon College who hopes to double major in Biochemistry and French. My family is from Edmond, Oklahoma, although I grew up in Monroe, Michigan. I am an alumni of Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire. I love baking, reading, and practicing vinyasa yoga.
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