A Narrative: Opening up About My Previous Relationship + Toxic Signs

My relationship started my senior year of high school with a boy who was a junior, let’s call him Max. Max was your average overachiever. He played lacrosse and football and had almost straight A’s. I like bad boys usually, and didn’t have an interest in Max in the beginning. He was in my AP U.S history class, so we occasionally talked and joked around in class. Our relationship started as a friendship. We would go to lunch almost every day together and I would always hang out with his friends. Shortly, after this we became best friends. Then, we started dating. This is where it starts to get juicy. 

So he asks me to prom, we go. I graduate from high school and continue with my life and this is where I should’ve ended things. Max and I ended up hanging out almost every single day during summer. It was fun while it lasted, but towards the end of summer it started to get more and more depressing. However, looking back on it I should’ve been excited for college, but I caught myself feeling guilty for leaving Max. 

Fast forward to me in college. Max and I try the long distance thing. I ended up spending most of my weekends during my first semester of college down in Denver and spending time with Max. I did it out of guilt, and out of love. I would bike a mile from my dorm to the transit station in Fort Collins to get on the bus. It was usually at very early hours in the morning since Max wanted to maximize the time we spent together. 

One weekend, I told him, I needed a break from Denver. I wanted to stay in Fort Collins, and go out and make friends, I just wanted to live my life as a freshman in college. He freaked out. Like legitimately freaked out on me for trying to live my life. He would say things like, “you don’t care about this relationship” and couldn’t grasp the fact that I wanted to have my own life outside of my hometown.

So takeaway number 1: If a guy is insecure about you going out/making friends then he probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. 

After this continued for 3 months it was Halloween that was a serious turning point within our relationship. Max had asked me what I was going to be wearing for my costume. I told him tights, a body suit, and a red cape, since I was going to be Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween. After I had told him this over the phone it got quiet. I could feel the tensions rising and it made me anxious. He asked if I could wear something else, when I said no he hung up on me and ignored me for a few days.

Takeaway number 2: Men, boyfriends, husbands, whatever you like to call them, should NOT get to dictate your attire. 

Despite him ignoring me for 3 days, it made me care less about what he thought. At this point in the relationship I was over it. I wanted to break up. So one weekend, I decided I was going to do it. I wanted to do it over the phone because I didn’t want to go all the way down to Denver. So I sat down, and picked up the phone. Max answered, I told him I wanted to end things, and he said he wanted to kill himself. Now, mental health is a serious topic and I am not disregarding the importance of it. However, suicide or threatening suicide to keep a loved one under your control is unacceptable, and I know that now, but it’s different when it is actually happening to you. So, I stayed with him.

Takeaway number 3: Watch out for manipulative tactics. 

I stayed with him until Winter Break. At this time I was completely appalled by Max. I didn’t love him anymore, however I still cared about him as a person. So I decided this time it was actually going to be over. We had been arguing on and off almost every single day. I was mentally exhausted and emotionally worn out.

Takeaway number 4: Assess your feelings and emotions and put them first. 

So, I told Max it was time to stop our relationship. He was more accepting of it this time. We broke up, but agreed to staying friends. Evaluating this decision now, it probably wasn’t the smartest idea. Our “friendship” became a petty competition of who could piss off who more, by what we put on our social medias. This is when I knew I was going to need to completely cut Max out of my life.

Takeaway number 5: Toxic pettiness is not needed. 

Now, I’ve decided to block Max on most platforms and it was the most refreshing and cleansing thing I’ve ever done. Immediately after, I felt like a large cinder block was lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe again, I could be me again.

The main takeaway of this article/story/rant is you don’t have to put up with BS. You don’t have to change yourself. You don’t have to stay with him. You don’t have to lose yourself when you’re in a relationship.  At the end of the day, we all deserve someone who makes us better and not worse. Who enlightens instead of controls. Who is proud instead of jealous, and who is confident instead of insecure. 

And on that note, I’d like to say “Thank u, next” because looking back now I see all the signs that this boy was not meant for me.

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