Too often as students, we neglect our own mental health in order to make other people happy. It’s hard enough to manage assignments, but when you add work, extracurricular activities and your life outside of college to the mix, it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in a day to do it all. I am definitely the type of person who tries to please everybody. I have been scared to say no to people in my life because I didn’t want to let them down. I was afraid that I would be seen as lazy or selfish if I didn’t “take one for the team.” My fear of disappointing others has caused me to struggle with making time for myself, which has resulted in a handful of mental breakdowns and fights with those I’m closest to. I wasn’t allowing myself to feel my true emotions. I kept going through the motions until I simply couldn’t anymore. In these moments of chaos, my worst fears would end up coming true; being late to meetings, work or class, canceling plans with a friend I hadn’t seen in a month, or dropping out of a commitment I promised to participate in at the last minute. If I just would have been honest with myself and those around me, my actions would have caused a lot less damage in the first place.
Since the end of last semester, I have been practicing the art of saying no to extra activities that don’t spark joy in me. I am still working on this and of course, I can’t stop doing every activity that doesn’t bring me instant gratification. I still have to work to pay my bills, I still have to write that five-page essay to pass my class and I still have to “adult” to make sure that my basic needs are met. However, there are activities I realized I could cut out of my life in order to have a few extra hours a day for myself. I started by taking a good look at my schedule and figuring out what activities I didn’t want to participate in anymore. I limited the extra commitments I decide to take on in my extracurriculars and only participate in the activities that I know I have time for. I stopped trying to stay friends with people who don’t make me happy. If you dread hanging out with one of your friends, they’re probably not someone you should be friends with anymore. I have started to schedule certain hours a day that are for myself. I block certain people from calling me late at night when I need to be sleeping. I say no to my friends when they want me to go out, but I have two exams the next day. It feels good. There’s something very powerful about reclaiming your time.
Although I have been saying no to others, I have been trying to say yes to myself. I have started attending a donation based yoga class on Saturday mornings to help me unwind from the week. Since the end of last semester, I have been bullet journaling to help me manage my time. I keep a printed copy of my schedule above my desk to see all of my commitments laid out in front of me. I try to make time at the end of every week to hang out with my friends. Time management and self-care go hand in hand. By learning how to say no to others, I have learned how to say yes to myself.