College started out as everything I had longed for in my idealization of what I wanted it to be. A new environment ridden with independence and exploration where I could meet vastly different people. Well, and go to school of course, which I also was extremely looking forward to the major I chose. Life at college seemed incredible right away and I was loving feeling like an adult and moving on my time. The first time I went home, when my mom asked me how college was going my face lit up as I said the expression that I had heard my brother always previously respond “it’s amazing.” I finally felt like I had understood what everyone meant when they replied with such a short phrase to such a loaded question.
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As the weeks went on, my emotions started to shift and I began asking myself why I wasn’t feeling like I had at the beginning of the semester. I started to punish my emotions with my thoughts as the days passed. I was upset and confused as to why I hadn’t made as many friends as it seemed other people had. I was mad that I didn’t have the urge to go out on Friday nights, as my mind told me that’s what everyone does. I began to envy the people that would say college is amazing. Over the next few weeks, I on and off again deleted my social media apps. I started to self reflect to try to get to the root of my emotions and thoughts. I made sure to treat myself gentle and give myself validity for what I was feeling. I began to ask myself whether the thoughts that I was thinking were created by me or by the society surrounding me. Those same thoughts that led to the ideas that college is always amazing and that you have to make a ton of friends. Once I solely focused on my emotions, I began to realize that I was content with the few friends I had made, and it was society that wasn’t – or makes it seem like. After also talking with people older in college, I realized that in reality it’s completely normal to slowly make friends. I realized that it is also completely normal to have your own individual college experience and that just because your first semester isn’t your best one, doesn’t mean it won’t get better. So, if you’re a freshman in college, or high school, don’t get discouraged when it doesn’t feel like the movies. I am here to reassure you that it will get better and that it’s a process, with both the good and the bad. Hang in there, we can do this together.
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