As a professor once told me, there are two definite actions for every living being- they will poop, and they will die. I think I’m ready to talk about the latter. Last week I encountered death in what I like to think as the two existing forms- sudden and the awaited. One is not easier to handle than the other.
My dog, who was running and playful the last time I was home, was suddenly ill. I was with friends, relaxing when I received a call that there was no time for me to fly home, or do anything more than face-time her goodbye. My mom held the phone to her glazing eyes, and I watched her ears perk as she heard my voice. Sudden changes in life bring fits of emotions. You’re angry you didn’t see it coming, that you couldn’t help or be there for them. You’re angry that you didn’t use your time, any time, better. You’re sad. There’s no better way to state it. Your tears switch between anger and sadness between the minute, because you can’t decide if you’re more angry with yourself, or sad at the loss. There’s no right answer. There never will be a right answer.
On the same day, nearly hours apart, I received another phone call. The father of one of my close friends growing up had also passed. He had been diagnosed with ALS a few years back, forcing him out of his profession. My family watched as his symptoms became more present, and increased everyday difficulties. My mom brought him lunch twice a week to help keep him happy, to have a friend to sit with. She told me one of the hardest moments she’s ever had to deal with, was a week before his passing, when she went over to see him and he had no recollection who she was. These deaths, these moments are hard for others reasons. We are happy that their suffering is through, happy that they get to relax finally after long, drawn-out battles. But we are sad that we couldn’t do enough to keep them around longer. We never wanted to lose them. We watch the people who knew them prior to diagnoses, and the people who only knew them at the end react to the news. There is no consistency between groups, except the sharing the good times. During their fight with illness, age, what be it, these positive memories are the ones that keep you from spiraling out into instability, and these memories are the ones to help those close to the person heal.
A famous proverb states that the only certain things in life are death and taxes. Just because they are going to be present in your life, doesn’t mean you will be ready for them now or even ever. Tell those you talk to most every day how much they mean to you. Reach out to a distant friend and do the same. Life is precious, beautiful, and horrible unpredictable.