You’re watching The Notebook. Allie and Noah are on one of their dates- dressed up, eating ice cream together and laughing and exchanging heartfelt moments through conversation. You probably ask yourself: Where is my Noah?
Back in the 1950’s, a boy would give his class ring, club pin, or varsity jacket to his date, and when a boy gave his pin to his date, it meant that they were officially a couple. Leading up to this special moment of becoming a couple, the two would go on dates to diners, soda shops, bike riding, the movies and pretty much anywhere in which the two could get to know each other in person.
The difference between now and then is dating isn’t what it used to be. This generation doesn’t really seem to know what dating is. Back then it used to be when two people liked each other, they would go on a date, then go on a couple more dates, and then the two would begin officially dating. If two people started dating back then, it meant that the two found something special in each other and they were actually in love. It meant that they thought of the person as a someone they could spend the rest of their lives with. Now instead, two people rush from friends to becoming involved with each other. You will hardly hear the words “We are dating” anymore, instead you will either hear “We are talking” or “We are friends with benefits.”
“Talking” is basically the middle ground where no one really has to sit down and define what is going on between them. They are associating with each other with no labels and stuck in a middle ground where the two think that they like each other. One day, one of the two people can decide they want to talk to someone else, or they’re bored because all they’re doing is talking and not having actual interactions. The two can be doing everything that a couple would be doing, but without a label. How is it that two people can be doing everything a couple does and not accept to be exclusive or go under the label of dating?
The other term people use is “friends with benefits,” which is another term for “no-strings attached.” It means two people enjoying each other’s company and hooking up, but not enough to have a romantic relationship between them.
Listen to the song: “Need to Know” by Wale ft. SZA. “You ain’t even really gotta be my boyfriend/I just wanna know your name/And maybe some time/We can hook up/We can hang out, we can just chill,” are lyrics to the song. This song implies that they want to be “friends with benefits” and they want to keep everything quiet. It implies that in doing this, the two will avoid the “complicated things” that come with a real relationship.
“Netflix and chill” has also become a popular saying that implies the idea of hooking up. Two people who have just met each other will rather “netflix and chill,” than go for a walk and talk about their favorite ice cream, or their goals and dreams.
It is truly sad to see that society doesn’t seem to care about dating, or actually being a couple, but instead, all of the benefits that come with the two being together. One problem is people are afraid of commitment. People are afraid of really getting to know each other- every aspect. People are afraid of liking the person so much that it becomes love and that maybe you have found the one.
I am even afraid of commitment. I am afraid to actually date someone and have everything work out – that they turn out to be the one. I am afraid of the idea of the love that I have, failing and not working out.
But guess what- you don’t know until you try. So, take that chance. Be outgoing. But most importantly, realize your self worth and aim for dating and labels instead of going straight to “friends with benefits” or simply having no label all of the time. I mean, you can have fun sometimes, but remember life is short.
When you meet that person that you’re truly into, try to slow things down and actually date and not just be together without a label or as “friends with benefits.” You have to remember- it’s about the journey, not the destination.