I learned to stop searching for my one true passion when doing homework for a computer science class. My professor, Perry Donham, instructed our CS101 class to create a web page about ourselves or our passions/hobbies; though, to be quite frank, I don’t really know who I am or what my passions are. In high school, I thought I wanted to be an architect, so I took a month-long summer course just to find out I didn’t like it too much. Then, I was told by my teachers that I was avid about math, so I thought about business. But when I took calculus in college, lecture-learning didn’t do me quite well and I concluded I wasn’t so good at math after all. Not too long after that, Grey’s Anatomy became a television hype, and so I genuinely thought my goal or “passion” in life was to become a doctor. Soon after the show, I realized it was just my infatuation with Patrick Dempsey (the attractive protagonist). I tried out photography too and even went on an expedition with National Geographic, to learn all the best tricks. Though when I started a website and making business cards for my photography talent, my parents shut down my aspirations on the basis that I could “do much more with a college degree.”
So, I went into college undecided as a “general studies” student. I took classes in Humanities, Philosophy, Business, Math, Science, Computer Science, English, Psychology, History, and Neuroscience. My extracurriculars were just as random; I enrolled and participated in the Ocean Alliance Club, Snowboarding Team, Entrepreneurship Club, Kappa Delta, Her Campus, and I even tried out for a dance team, but didn’t get in because of my lack of experience (in other words, I suck at dancing). They say everything is nothing and I was doing everything… So, was I nothing?
I have no path and no idea what I’m going to do with my life and that emotionally cripples me to the point where I have panic attacks. Now, on top of school work, I am searching for a solution to a form of anxiety that causes my heart to ferociously palpitate, my chest to close in on my lungs, my body to tremble, and my mind to feel as if I’m on the brink of death.
Or maybe… that’s just college. College is chaotic. Most kids go through mental breakdowns or turn to drugs to keep them from going through mental breakdowns. Then, how do you explain the kids who know what they want to do since practically the womb? Are they lying about being utterly in love with one subject and one subject only? Or have they really found a “passion”?
When debating this question I came across a Ted Talk called, “Stop Searching For Your Passion” by Terri Trespicio. Click here to see the video. She debunks the idea that, “You have one singular passion and your job is to find it and to pursue it to the exclusion of all else.” A passion is like a feeling, in fact, they change. She explained that a man who cleans windows doesn’t have a “passion for clean glass” which is slightly comical and true. Passion comes from finding what you generate into this world that helps yourself and others. Hearing this eased my frantic quest for a “passion.”
All it is is taking initiative and working hard. You may never be 100% in love with something, but as long as you have an interest in something, work at it to the best of your ability; then, the passion will appear. Passion is when people thank and hug you for what you have provided them with. We are not born into this world to find this one true passion, much like there’s no such thing as this one true love. You will love many boyfriends or girlfriends and just like there are many fish in the sea, there are many jobs in the sea.
I had thought that by doing everything, I was nothing. However, now I understand, that when nothing is sure, everything is possible.
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