On September 7th, 2018, American rapper Mac Miller was found unresponsive in his home by a friend. After a friend frantically called 911, Miller was found dead at the scene by the authorities. He was 26 years old. He had known to have dealt with issues with addiction to alcohol as well as marijuana and lean and has opened up to such. Unfortunately, like some who deal with addiction, it all got the best of him. While it has likely been hard for his loved ones, let’s focus on one in particular who had been in his life: his ex-girlfriend of two years, Ariana Grande. Miller and Grande dated from August 2016 to May 2018, and even after they had broken up people were quick to antagonize Grande as Miller had been facing DUI charges around the time. Grande stated in a Twitter post on May 23rd, 2018 while responding back to a Twitter user blaming her for Miller’s alcoholism issues:
“How absurd that you minimise female self-respect and self-worth by saying someone should stay in a toxic relationship because he wrote an album about them, which btw isn’t the case (just Cinderella is ab me). I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be. I have cared for him and tried to support his sobriety & prayed for his balance for years (and always will of course) but shaming/blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his s*** together is a very major problem. Let’s please stop doing that.”
From this response it’s safe to say that the reasons for their breakup were that Grande was in a toxic situation in which essentially had to be Miller’s caretaker while he dealt with his addictions. Also, I am not demonizing Miller in any way. Addiction is a very hard thing people face and people have been/are in toxic relationships where there’s this sort of codependency in which one deals with addiction/trauma/other such and the other has to put aside their own issues on the backburner just to constantly have to care for them, and I’m sorry for the wakeup call but no relationship like that is healthy in that type of situation.
Another event I want to rewind back on because the context will be important later on is the Manchester Arena Bombing on May 22nd, 2017. Grande was performing at a concert in the arena, located in the UK. A terrorist detonated a bomb as concert-goers, many of which were young girls as that is Grande’s primary fan demographic, were exiting the arena. As a result, 23 people were killed and Grande was understandably heartbroken and has in the past said that it’s “still heavy on [her] heart.”
Fast forward to semi-present day, after Miller’s death by overdose, many people began shifting the blame again on Grande. The general logic behind why the blame was put on her is that Grande could have stopped Miller from going further off the deep end. While we all do need a friend that we can depend on, it’s also unhealthy to both depend solely on somebody else for your issues and (again) putting your own issues aside to constantly help somebody therefore at the expense of your own well-being, but I digress.
Now here’s the point where I explain how toxic this mentality is, both on Grande’s end and on the grand scheme of things. Grande has had a rough year with the Manchester bombing and her ex-boyfriend’s death. Now, while generally people don’t stay in touch with their exes too much they also want what’s best for them. I personally wouldn’t wish death or anything negatively drastic on either of my exes. Yes they are exes for a reason, but I wish nothing but good health for them. So to put the blame on Grande for Miller’s overdose is especially disgusting because she likely never wanted that to happen to him, she likely wanted what’s best for him and the absolute best for his mental and physical health. It also doesn’t help that Grande shortly got into a whirlwind relationship with comedian Pete Davidson (the two are currently broken up and called off their engagement this month), so naturally there are people who’d think that Miller might have possibly been distraught at the news of his ex getting engaged so quickly. I am not here to analyse why Miller died as I do want to show respect for his loved ones, but I suppose you get the idea. This is just my own analysis. Anyway, the thing that is so problematic with Grande getting this much hate and blame is that it especially showcases the harmful idea that women are responsible for their significant others, the idea that “women must care for their men” type of thing which of course I think is absolute B.S. if you ask me. I’ll be willing to bet as well that Grande thinks of the victims of the arena bombing, maybe even feeling as if she herself is at fault because it was HER concert (which that is not her fault either). I want to point out that women should not have to babysit you and constantly have to be caretakers. It’s healthy to also be able to take care of yourself as well whether while in a relationship or not. Women are not responsible for their partner’s mistakes. You are not responsible for your partner’s mistakes. To those who preach self-love but then goes and attacks someone for leaving a toxic situation needs to seriously re-evaluate themselves and take a long hard look in the mirror to see who the real problem is. To those people, I say: Grow. Up. Grande should’ve been able to grieve in peace without this much hate.