This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at PS Behrend chapter.
There are a few things that I have noticed as a person with a disability that I feel would be good for everyone to hear about!
- When it comes to being curious about what a person with a disability has, it is always a good idea to ask them directly. More often than not, a person with a physical disability is also able to communicate to you with words (Who knew?) to explain to you what they have or what happened to them. I have had situations where I’ve been in a public place with a friend and a person will ask them what is wrong with me, instead of asking me directly. It isn’t as if people are purposefully being inconsiderate, but the main idea surrounding the perceptions of physical disability is that there is usually a mental disability that goes along with it. That usually isn’t the case, but even so, you can still ask the person with the disability directly if you are curious as to what happened to them or what they have!
- You can always ask a person with a disability if they need help with something. Whether that be reaching something from a high shelf, or pushing them up a hill if it seems like they are struggling. The one thing I can say though is pretty please ASK FIRST! I can’t tell you how many times I have been pushing myself across campus or in public places and random strangers have just come up behind me and started pushing me. It is incredibly frightening and startling. You wouldn’t want a stranger to come up behind you and carry you up a hill if you were struggling to get up one, would you? Moral of that story is: always ask a person with a disability if they need help before you start to help them! Sometimes, if a person with a disability is really struggling, they will ask you for help as well!
- Another big thing is to make sure that you are being considerate of a person with a disability and their needs when planning programming or events on campus. If you are planning a big event, always make sure that there is an alternative seating arrangement for that person or an alternative activity for them if they cannot participate in the event. There have been multiple events on campus that I have been incredibly interested in, but I have never been able to fully participate because those considerations weren’t taken into account.
- A big thing too is to never be afraid to come up to a person with a disability and have a conversation with them. I have made countless friends from someone just coming up to me and asking me what I have and the conversation flowing from there. It isn’t the end of the world to make a new and diverse friend and you shouldn’t be afraid to. I have had so many people come up to me after we’ve become friends and explain that they felt intimidated by the chair when they really shouldn’t be.
- A huge thing is sex and sex in relationships. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had awkward conversations with tinder matches surrounding my disability before I met my current partner. The big question I would always be asked was “How does sex work in the chair?”. While a very good question, it shouldn’t be the first question you ask when you initiate a conversation. If you really want to know how it works, get to know the person first and then ask them directly if that is something you’re interested in. Just like in any other relationship there are boundaries and lines that you shouldn’t cross and there are things that work for either person and things that don’t. Be considerate of their needs and patient with their abilities and be safe!
- Lastly, if you need to use the restroom, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, DO NOT USE THE HANDICAP STALL! The handicap stall is designed for those who need the extra room to get their wheelchair or their assistive device into the bathroom with them so they can transfer to the toilet. You do not need the extra room for your 20-second pee or, god forbid, your 20-minute poo. If you absolutely have to go and there are no other stalls open except that one, go ahead and use it. However, if every stall is open, your first choice should not be the handicap stall. When you use that stall you prevent other people who need it from using the restroom when they need to. Don’t be that person. Please.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.