A Letter To My Parents Who Joke About Sexual Assault

To Mom and Dad,   

When I was young, you showed me about all the good in the world and the things that made me happy. You took me to Disneyworld, you introduced me to caring people and you took me go donate things because sometimes others need help a lot more than others. As I got older, I noticed that not everything is rainbows and sunshine. I saw the hatred that people felt towards others, the problems that others are face and the danger that I must fear everyday. Looking back, I think about the bad times, and I remember seeing you guys and being told how everything was going to okay because I am strong, smart and hardworking.  

What happened?

  I know we do not share the same opinion on everything and that is okay but as a parent, I always hoped you would be there for me and take things serious when the time came. This year, more people have been called out and reported for sexual assault than ever before and it is not because people want attention or because they want to ruin someone’s life, it’s because sexual assault actually happens all the time.

You may be thinking, well who is it hurting? We are just joking? It’s hurting the people who have been assaulted. You laughing at someone who was sexually assaulted makes me think that you think sexual assault is a joke. You don’t think it’s a crime. You don’t think it can seriously affect someone’s life, but I am here to tell you it does.

I am constantly scared of being around anyone alone because I get flashbacks of the times that I have been left alone with the wrong person so I try to keep to myself. I am scared to be around family members because they aren’t all as innocent as they make themselves out to be so I distance myself, or even completely cut off certain people. I am scared that I can’t let loose and have fun ever because then if I get taken advantage of then it becomes my fault so I just stay home as often as possible. I am scared to go anywhere because I am afraid I will run into a certain someone and have to pretend like nothing happened so I don’t go to places that I feel like that person might go to. I am scared to walk alone at night so I walk around with 9-1-1 dialed on my phone. I am scared of getting too close to anyone because they might find out what happened and think less of me so I try not to get too personal with friends or my even my boyfriend. I am scared to stand up for myself because the last time I tried to everyone told me that I would be ruining his life. Most of all, I am scared to tell you. I am scared that you won’t believe me. I am scared that you will think it’s a joke. I am scared that you will blame me. I am scared that you will casually tell your friends and laugh. I am scared that you will not think I am that strong, smart, hardworking girl you once knew.

You may think that sexual assault and rape jokes can be funny, but they aren’t. They aren’t harmless and the more and more you make them, the less and less I feel like I can count on you to be the parent I need.

Sincerely,

    Your daughter

• op-ed