On September 7th, the world was shook with news that rapper, Mac Miller, had died of an apparent drug overdose.
Social media soon started to create a storm, with people commenting on Ariana Grande’s Instagram that she was the reason the rapper died.
A brief history if you’re confused: Ariana Grande and Mac Miller dated for about two years before calling it quits in May 2018. When fans asked Grande why, the singer said the relationship was toxic. Grande had helped Miller through his addictions and depression during their relationship, but at the end, had to say enough was enough. Grande soon started to date, and then got engaged to, SNL comedian Pete Davidson.
Once news hit that Miller had died, people immediately went to Ariana Grande for a comment. To be fair, I instantly thought of her too once I heard the news.
Grande was silent on the topic, and even disabled her social media comments. On Sunday, Grande posted a picture of the late rapper to her Instagram with no caption (no caption was really needed, though). Her comments were still disabled when she posted the photo.
Fans, including me, soon went to Grande’s defense. If you haven’t realized at first glance, she didn’t kill him. Drugs did.
I have personally been in a toxic relationship were my ex-partner was suicidal, depressed and anxious. I immediately wanted to take all the pain away and held him in my arms while he sobbed to me. I spent countless nights praying that he would make it to see daylight again. I would spend days caring for him. Then, it got too much for me. I’m young, and I realized how drained and upset I was that I couldn’t take his pain of mental illness away.
Then, I realized…I can’t. No one can. It took me almost a year to leave because of how guilty and anxious I felt! I felt like I was turning my back away from a puppy in the cold rain. He would beg me to come back and I would have to turn my phone off and cry.
It taught me a very important lesson, though: You are not in charge of your significant other’s actions. Leaving a toxic relationship is one of the hardest things to do, especially as a woman. As a woman, we instinctively have mothering tendencies because, biologically, we are “supposed” to be mothers. So, when our loved one is hurting, we feel like we need to hold them and take it all away.
Society also puts this pressure on women that we need to serve and care for men, but it’s never put into perspective how that may make us feel.
We’re not your mothers and we’re not the ones who have to pick up the pieces, and Ariana Grande proved that to us. She left when she realized she needed to take care of herself, too.
Grande recently posted a video of Miller to her Instagram where she wrote in the caption: “I’m so mad, I’m so sad I don’t know what to do. You were my dearest friend. For so long. Above anything else. I’m so sorry I couldn’t fix or take your pain away. I really wanted to…”
After all this, please realize that it’s a toxic ideology to make women feel as if they need to stay with their significant other who may be going through really hard times. You are not a therapist, you are not a specialist. You are you, and if you are in a relationship where you’re afraid to leave, please reach out to friends, to loved ones, or even to your mom. You are strong and you’re not responsible for what your significant other does EVEN after the relationship is over.