Josie Totah is speaking her truth and “ready to be free” to live as her authentic self.
In a personal essay for Time, Totah reveals that she identifies as a transgender female. The teen star said she feels “grateful” for the roles that she has been able to play and “feel[s] lucky” to be able to do what she loves, but admitted that she felt like she had let herself “be shoved into a box: ‘J.J. Totah, gay boy.’”
Growing up in Northern California, Totah said “people would just assume I was gay,” adding that reporters would ask her “how it feels to be a young gay man” and “was even introduced that way before receiving an award from an LGBTQ+ rights organization.”
Totah said she eventually felt like she “owed it to everybody to be that gay boy,” but never personally identified that way.
The teenage actress, who found fame on Disney channel show Jessie and went on to star in in ABC’s Back in the Game, Fox’s Glee and NBC’s Champions, worried that people wouldn’t accept her if she came out and was concerned that fans who knew her from her days on Jessie would be confused.
“But I realized over the past few years that hiding my true self is not healthy,” Totah wrote. “I know now, more than ever, that I’m finally ready to take this step toward becoming myself. I’m ready to be free.”
“My pronouns are she, her and hers. I identify as female, specifically as a transgender female. And my name is Josie Totah,” the actress revealed.
Totah wrote that she “always knew on some level” she identified as female.
It was when she was watching the docuseries I Am Jazz, which documented Jazz Jennings transition, that she realized she was transgender.
“I looked over at [my mother] in the middle of the show and said, ‘This is me. I’m transgender. And I need to go through this,’” Totah wrote. “My mother, who is immensely supportive and gracious, said, ‘OK, let’s do it.’ Three days later I was meeting with my pediatrician, who referred me to a specialist, who put me on a hormone blocker. From that point on, I hit the ground running.”
Totah admits she had developed anxiety from trying to hide her true identity, but once she began to take the hormone blocker, she knew she was knew “giving [herself] what [she] needed” and “didn’t have to be afraid of that anymore.”
Although, she adds that she is still afraid of some things, writing, “I’m scared that I’ll be judged, rejected, made uncomfortable, that people will look at me differently.” But one thing is for sure: whenever her friends or family call her Josie, she “feels like [she’s] being seen.”
I love you, Josie. I’m so glad you’re able to speak your truth and live as your authentic self. You’re also so damn talented – I can’t wait to write for you again! ❤️?❤️?❤️ https://t.co/OjIoI9Wpb3
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) August 20, 2018
According to E! News, Totah erased her former Instagram account, and has since made a new one using the handle @josietotah. She shared the link to her personal essay on her new account, writing, “For so long I’ve been trying to hide who I was by pretending I’m someone I’m not. And I did it in fear. In fear that I wouldn’t be accepted or loved. I tried so hard to become a person that I knew I never was. But I’m realizing I can’t fake it forever. I know now more than ever I’m ready to take the step to becoming myself. I am transgender and this is my story.”
Totah wrote that she will be starting college this week, but will continue to pursue her acting career, adding that she is excited to do both as herself.
“…It’s a clean slate — and a new world,” she concluded.