“Hello?”
“Hey, I think you’re my dad…”
Smooth, I know.
I started to cry and laugh at the same time, like when you don’t know whether to be scared or excited. I don’t think I realized what I was doing until I heard him on the other line.
Fall semester of my freshman year I reached out to my biological father. I didn’t know much about him; I never really asked. I didn’t really know he truly existed until I was about 12. To this day, I still don’t know what possessed me to dial his number, but I am glad I did.
We exchanged hellos and how are yous mainly through text for about a year, and I couldn’t really tell if I wanted it to lead to anything. After all, I had just transitioned into college, cut ties with my mother, and was trying to get a hold on my anxiety and depression. Considering the situation, I was doing pretty well for being independent. Adding more people to my chaotic life didn’t exactly sound appealing.
I ended up wanting to play it by ear. If something happened, I’d go along with it, but if it didn’t, I wouldn’t think anything of it. I know for a fact I thought this way because I didn’t want to get my hopes up to be disappointed by yet another parental figure in my life. Fall of 2017, I received a phone call from my dad’s wife. She told me that my dad was quite the procrastinator (just like myself) and that she was willing to help get things moving. She mentioned that her family (twin girls and younger son) was interested in meeting me. We became friends on social media which helped break the ice. I just remember thinking holy crap; this was going to happen.
At this point, I really started to consider pro’s and con’s. Although I am not able to have contact with the two siblings I grew up with and raised (due to the fall-out with my mother), I felt guilty for thinking about being a big sister to three other kids I had never even met. I didn’t want other family members I grew up with thinking that I chose this new family over them, and I did not want them to feel like I did not appreciate how much they have helped me throughout my life.
In the end, I realized that this was an opportunity to further explore my identity. I struggled in high school not knowing who I was as a biracial woman. And this was not just any other family; it was my family. February 2018, my step mom and I finally set a time and day to meet later on in March.
We had lunch, awkward silent moments, shared stories and showed I everyone around campus to end our day. They all were respectful and asked questions in regards to photos and sharing our experience publicly. I enjoyed their company and for the most part felt comfortable. I didn’t grow up with a stable father figure so I found myself avoiding eye contact with my dad. It’s not that I didn’t want to look or interact with him, but it was just weird for me. In addition to not growing up with a father figure, I’m sure I was still in a surreal state of mind, not fully processing that I’m actually in the presence of my father. I was most interested in how we were alike. He was very athletic in high school, he is driven, shy at first and he was very open and enthusiastic while answering the questions I had for him. My stepmother is pretty awesome. She really helped get the ball rolling and keep the conversation interesting. I’m very thankful that she is supportive of her husband meeting his daughter from another woman.
I cannot express how excited I am to be a big sister to now 5 siblings! I can’t wait to spoil them! One of my favorite things about being an older sibling is sharing my experiences with the youngins. This is especially exciting for me and my twin sisters who are 16 because I am in college and they will soon be applying for colleges. And I finally have a brother! They are all funny, adorable and athletic, I can’t to see them again and hopefully make it to some of their sporting events to cheer them on!
Before they all left, we discussed when we would see eachother next and I was welcomed to their home any time. I felt like I was accepted and like I was already apart of the family. It was a very humbling experience, and I am proud that I stepped up and followed through with meeting all of them. I am very fortunate that this entire process of meeting my father and his family went smoothly and positively. I could not have done it without the support of the family I grew up with and my friends. My family just got bigger, and I couldn’t be happier.