To put it bluntly, being single sucks. Others say that one should enjoy single life, that it is truly the time to be free and you don’t have to answer to anyone. However, they don’t speak about the utter loneliness and the slew of short and nonsensical flings that leave you craving for more. At this point, 20-something year old women know what they want, whether it is out of life, or in a relationship. As someone who has never dated, I am relentlessly told that being single is my chance to explore/date and see what I dislike and don’t like. I have learned my fair share of the type of person I would want to date, without dating. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship and not wanting to explore and experience (wink, wink).
Here’s what I’ve learned:
There is a limit to what you should put up with, women tend to put up with a lot to keep a man. Including silencing themselves, chasing after them, and taking full blame for most of the issues to stop a fight. Trying to find every solution or way to make the relationship work while usually the man does little to nothing or makes promises to change but never does. Although, this isn’t always the case and can be the other way around, it doesn’t make it any less true. One party is always more involved than the other at times and stick around for things that they shouldn’t.
Eventually, in the end they’re left exhausted and with time they see that they were trying to fix something that is not able to be fixed. Seeing this repeatedly, like if they were stuck in a time loop, showed me no one deserves it and not putting yourself in the possibility of this loop is best. However, stepping out of the loop for some takes courage and time, there is nothing wrong with that but continuously creating the loop relationship after relationship is. Therefore, finding someone that meets me halfway, that treats me more like a partner than their personal punching bag is essential.
Both parties should support each other and show interest in each other’s interests because it shows that you care about the other person. I’ve seen many couples complain about this especially, in this campus environment being part of an organization is a big part of our lives and your partner showing an interest is a big deal. It shows compatibility and that you can enjoy what your partner enjoys and speaks louder than words. Who wouldn’t want someone that means the world to them at something you helped create?
Someone with the same goals and similar mindset, they say opposites attract but I don’t think two people with opposite perspectives could ever be together with no middle ground. Two people in a relationship should have more in common than physical attraction or chemistry, without substance the relationship can never thrive. For example, two friends with different political views although, they have different views they respect each other’s or have some issues they agree on. Being with someone completely opposite from you does not work in the long run although, it can show you a new perspective.
Patience, in any aspect of your life is key, it’s like the world can sense the desperation when you’re not patient. Enjoy the good things in your everyday life and better things will follow.
The most important, is self-respect. Without it you can never truly have any of these or accept them. You must value yourself, your time, and your energy and fight for what you want and not settle for the first thing that comes your way.
“We accept the love, we think we deserve” – Perks of being a Wallflower