Growing up, my sister Jess and I were constantly berated with questions about how we look. Our hair mostly,“Is it natural?”, “Where’d you get it from?” and “You both are very lucky.” There were also the questions about what our relationship was. No one ever thought we could be siblings because we look so different.
My parents have been around since day 1 and have firsthand experience with these encounters, so I thought, what did they think? At a certain point, you become so normalized with who you are and who your family is that looking at it from someone else’s eyes is refreshing. So here it is, an interview with my parents.
1. What are your names, please?
Heather and Wade.
2. Can you explain your relationship to both Jess and I?
Mom: I gave birth to both of you. I met Wade when Jess was 4 and he became her dad legally a few years later. We are all very close and can talk to each other about anything.
Dad: I legally adopted Jess when she was 8 and am your (Kristin’s) biological dad.
3. Do you think we look completely different?
Mom/Dad: You look different, but you have similar voices, actions and personalities. We’re so used to both of your looks that we don’t think twice about how you look in regard to one another.
4. Tell me about a weird/funny time that people were confused or fascinated by our looks.
Mom: Everywhere we were, people would ask, “Where did the curly hair come from?” for Jess and,”Where did the red hair come from?” for you.
Dad: Many people would say that Jess looks like me. Then Mom would be the odd person out with blonde hair. It has been always about our daughters’ hair; curly or red.
Mom: We had to stop people from touching both your hair.
5. Do you assume that when people come up to all of us, they think we’re not a family?
Mom: As soon as they hear us speak, they know we are a family. But I never think that strangers see us as friends or acquaintances rather than family.
Dad: One time, an older man asked if Jess and Mom were sisters. He said you sound just the same. He didn’t even notice their looks being different.
6. Why do you think people are so fascinated with the way we look?
Dad/Mom: Curly brown hair and green eyes and red hair and brown eyes, doesn’t really look like everyone else. You both look so different from other people.
Mom: Older people from the UK are especially fascinated with your red hair, in that it reminds them of their younger years during the war. (Kinda weird)
7. Do you think people bring up our hair/looks more when we’re together or more while were separated?
Mom: Always, regardless of whether you two were together or not. People may have had more incentive to come up when both of you were together since you both look very unique.
Dad: Doesn’t matter where you are or who you are with specifically. The biggest question for you is, is that her natural hair colour? Thinking that you may have dyed it red.
8. Was there ever a time that you felt super uncomfortable with a stranger coming up to both of us based on how we looked?
Mom/Dad: No, it was a normal everyday occurrence to be asked where the curly and red hair came from. The only things that we found a bit uncomfortable were when people tried to touch yours or Jess’s hair or when creepy old men would come up and comment on how pretty/great your hair was. Yikes.
9. How is it for you to have two daughters who look completely different?
Dad/Mom: When we look at you both, we don’t see different people based on looks necessarily. We see your different personalities that complement each other. We see our family and similarities between two sisters.
10. What do people say to you when they see what we both look like and find out we’re your daughters?
Dad: No one really blatantly points it out.
Mom: People just seem to accept us for who we are and our personalities, how we treat one another, and our morals, not so much our physical appearance but how we interact and blend as a family. There are times when they have a look of surprise on their face when they realize you’re our daughters, but we’ve had very few moments where someone said anything hateful or rude.
11. Would you ever let me dye my hair or let Jess straighten hers?
Dad/Mom: NEVER.