Unless you have the luxury of not being bombarded with celebrity news, you’ve probably heard about the allegations against Aziz Ansari. Earlier this week, an anonymous woman shared the story of her sexual encounter with Ansari here. This story upset me deeply. Granted, all news of sexual assault leaves me shaken up, but this one affected me differently than most. I’ll admit that part of my sadness is due to the fact that I’ve been a longtime fan of Ansari’s standup and his role in Parks and Recreation. I can find plenty of other comedians and actors to enjoy, though, so this isn’t a monumental change for my media consumption. What hurt me the most is that Ansari has been vocal about feminism and rape culture. He let his audiences know that he was vehemently against it. He was at the forefront of the Time’s Up movement to fight assault and harassment in Hollywood. Yet, he is an assaulter himself. Whether you believe the situation to be rape by definition or not, there is no denying his lack of communication and respect for this woman. Ansari not picking up on her signals is not a harmless act – he proceeded without caution and paid little attention to her discomfort. His ignorance does not make him innocent.
The irony of this situation is a grim reminder of how performative male “feminists” can be. Gary Oldman, who abused his wife, spoke at the Golden Globes about female empowerment. Louis C.K incorporated feminist statements into his standup. He also exposed himself and masturbated in front of multiple women without their consent. Men in power can, and will, say anything, if it leads to an increase in their wealth, publicity, and admiration from fans. It’s likely that this is the reason they spew feminist rhetoric on stage at all. It’s clear that they don’t truly care about women like they say they do, otherwise they wouldn’t be defamed by assault allegations. Female empowerment has become something that powerful men use to make themselves look good, and cover their own asses. I can’t help but wonder if Aziz Ansari truly believes in anything he says and does, that relates to uplifting women, and if he would still mistreat vulnerable women in sexual situations.
Ansari wore all-black to the 2018 Golden Globes to protest sexual assault and harassment in Hollywood, as well as a “Time’s Up” pin in support of the movement.
Aziz Ansari seemed like a man we, as consumers of the media, could trust. He’s charming, funny, adorable, and outspoken about how society treats women. He made bold and heartfelt political statements that we could empathize with and get behind. However, Ansari has violated the innocent image he’s created for himself, and I feel foolish for ever thinking there was legitimacy behind that image. He can continue to talk about how we need to treat women better, but it means nothing if he can’t take his own advice. What do words even mean if they are not accompanied by action?
A man we believed we could trust and support has given us reason to do the opposite. Stories like Aziz’s make it difficult to trust any man who claims to be a feminist. Ansari is not an anomaly; we run into self-proclaimed “feminist” men, who rape and abuse women – both emotionally and physically – behind closed doors, every day. And I can’t help but wonder why one would even bother calling himself a feminist if it really meant nothing to him (I do know why, it’s so he can get laid by feminist women who he finds sexy and/or boost his image). If this occurrence continues, how do we know when to take a man’s word for it when he talks about ending assault? The more this happens, the harder it is to trust men when they seem to be socially conscious.
This isn’t a phenomenon that’s impossible to fix. In fact, I’d say it’s pretty damn easy. Not assaulting women is easy. Listening to women is easy. Not raping people isn’t hard. I sincerely hope that more men begin to care about fighting assault, and I hope that they care deeply enough to practice what they preach, not just talk about it on stage while wearing all black and a “Time’s Up” pin.
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