The Importance of Forgiveness

Every person can attest to the fact that at one point or another in their lives, someone has hurt them, betrayed them, and broken them. The immediate reaction that derives from our nature is to dwell in the hurt. To wallow in the self-pity and victimization of the situation.  When someone hurts us or does something that causes pain or sadness, whatever it may be, we are faced with the immediate question of, “What am I going to do?”

There are so many options when dealing with situations like these. Do you forgive them? Do you gossip and bash on them? Do you plot a plan for revenge? The options are endless and it allows our brain to wander in directions that are dark and unhealthy.

We have been told time and time again that forgiveness leads to happiness. As the majority of us know, that is much easier said than done. Being able to forgive someone sincerely from deep down within our hearts can be challenging and even takes time for us to be able to do so. The immediate instinct when someone hurts us is to get him or her back, an eye for an eye some might say. But Gandhi once countered that by saying, “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind”. Meaning that doing what another has done to you in no way improves your situation except giving you that momentary and extremely fleeting moment of self-satisfaction that ultimately will not solve anything.

Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. If anything, having the maturity to forgive someone exemplifies a great deal of inner strength, confidence, and love. Forgiving does not mean you are condoning what another does, or becoming their friend. It means that you are choosing for yourself to let the hurt go. To allow you to move forward, instead of dwelling on such toxic and negative energies is what forgiveness entails. In a sense, by forgiving, you are allowing yourself to release all of the tension, the anger, the sadness, the hurt, and choosing to let it all go. Dr. Fred Luskin who conducted the Forgiveness Project at Stanford University defined forgiveness as, “The feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel and become a hero instead of a victim in the story that you tell.”

Forgiveness has the power to heal. It heals our hearts when we have been broken. It allows us to become the hero of our story instead of the broken, damaged victim. It allows us to recognize that we are all imperfect but by forgiving we can feel our hearts swell with love and compassion. Forgiving in a way lets us open our eyes to the sense that by letting the hurt inflicted by someone else control our conversations, our actions, and our overall mental health, we are letting them have control. It is important to stand your ground and to know your worth and that when someone wrongs you it is not okay, acceptable, or condoned.

It is important for your mental health and your heart to come to the place that allows you to forgive. Forgiving does not mean forgetting and going back to someone who has hurt you. It simply means that your heart is filled with nothing but love. If anything, finding it within you to forgive another, helps you grow and builds your strength, self confidence, and a deeper understanding of your self worth. A quote given by Gordon B. Hinckley says, “The willingness to forgive is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity.” By forgiving we are maturing and learning to become people with big hearts, but with strong minds and a backbone.

Each and every person strives everyday for happiness. To feel completely at peace with our lives and with those we are surrounded by. If we hold grudges against others, and have hatred and poor perceptions of another, we are hardening our hearts and in the sense are no better than those who hurt us. Rising above is the most important thing. I know this all sounds so easy, and so wonderful, but it is difficult. To allow yourself to push the anger and the hurt aside and choose instead to take the high road doesn’t always seem like the right plan at first; that the other person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, but everyone does. It is necessary to forgive so that you are able to have that weight off of your shoulders.

At the end of the day, forgiveness is completely an individual’s choice and decision. It has been proven and said time and time again, that by forgiving you will feel happier, more at peace, more solidified, and strong. It is a necessity for us to forgive and focusing on loving others no matter the hurt or the betrayal the imposed on you so that you are able to feel the peace and the happiness and be the hero of your own story.