An Open Letter to Aziz Ansari

Aziz, 

You don’t know me, but I’ve been a fan of yours for a long time. Parks and Rec holds a very special place in my heart and your character especially never failed to cheer me up on a bad day. I’ve also watched all of your specials on Netflix multiple times, and very recently started “Master of None”. I wouldn’t say I’m your biggest fan, but your humor was always a comfort for me, and “treat yourself” were the words I lived by. So when the accusations earlier this week went viral, I, like many others, was in disbelief. Surely Aziz couldn’t have done that – he’s Tom Haverford! He’s a feminist! He’s the nice guy! I found myself making excuses for you before I’d even read Grace’s statement. And that was when I realized how often I’ve made excuses for others before simply because I wanted to believe they were the “nice guy”.

Joe Berkowitz said it best in his article when he wrote: “Just because it’s not criminal behavior doesn’t mean it’s behavior that should be tolerated, encouraged, or expected.”

So many people are defending you, Aziz, by arguing that what you did was not a crime. And maybe that’s true; however, as a result, the blame has shifted with many wondering why Grace didn’t just leave when it was clear you were ignoring her verbal cues that she did want to have sex. Maybe you’re wondering this too. But there’s a word for that Aziz. It’s called victim blaming. And as someone who has reported an act of sexual violence to the authorities, I can tell you that victim blaming is a devastating experience. When the authorities, or the media, or your own friends tell victims that they should have “just left” or “said no again” or “not been drinking” or “not been walking alone” or not this, or that, etc. etc. etc. . . this, Aziz, is why so many acts of sexual violence go unreported. 

When I was sexually violated in a building on my school’s campus, the authorities sent out an email reminding people not to wear headphones when walking alone because apparently, if somebody follows you into an empty room and attacks you, it’s your own fault for not looking out.

I refuse to believe that what happened between you and Grace was just a “bad date”. Maybe it was for you, and maybe dates that end in not getting laid despite many forceful attempts are, for men like you, just “bad dates”. But you wanna know what I call them? I call them nightmares. Nice guy or not, she did say no, and despite this, you forcefully pursued and pressured her anyway. 

It wasn’t on her to leave, Aziz. It was on you to stop. 

Signed,

We Won’t Be Silenced

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