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Recently, I heard a guy being interviewed in an MTV Snapchat say “get you a girl that can do both- meaning a girl that could be with guys and girls, because a threesome takes every relationship to the next level.” Clearly, this guy is just hunting for some generous girl(s) that will make his longtime dream of being in a threesome come true. Quite the ignorant fella, assuming that bisexual girls are down for threesomes because they are attracted to men and women. I’m not bisexual, but as a woman, I was certainly offended at his generalized and incorrect assumption that clearly made an ass out of him. But as someone who has heard about others’ threesome experiences and have a few under my belt, I felt I needed to set the record straight. His portrayal of threesomes taking a relationship to the next level is sort of like a flawed fairytale. With the advent of dating apps, many open and curious couples have sought out to find their “unicorn.” But as someone who was introduced to the polyamorous scene by way of friends and then venturing into couple play, I can tell you it’s not exactly all fun and games. When you’re with friends and everyone is comfortable with one another and no one has extra feelings for anyone else in the group, it’s quite simple. But add an actual relationship to the mix and it becomes complicated, as you would logically expect. Will one of the parties enjoy the new member more than his own significant other? Will they prefer this type of sex over regular sex? And this goes for either member in the relationship. There are many other insecurities that will surface and everyone will be left vulnerable to misunderstandings.
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Of course, there are many successful threesomes with couples, otherwise, they wouldn’t happen as much as they do. But a few key things to keep in mind whether you are the unicorn or couple: talk about it first, discuss everyone’s thoughts, desires, fears- this will ensure everyone knows where they all stand and can avoid acting in manners that may offend someone. Don’t think of the experience as a chore or duty you have to do for your significant other, treat it as the fun experience it’s meant to be!
Hopefully, if you’re venturing into unicorn land in the college sphere it won’t be with a couple (college couples are as finicky as high school couples). Also, please be safe make sure everyone can attest to having been tested recently and it doesn’t result from a way too drunken night at a frat/bar or even a dare! Enjoy the pleasure of having not one but two people working on you, and prepare for your own elbow grease.