Stories have been edited for length, grammar and clarity.
When I was 15, I lost my virginity to a guy who I was TOTALLY crushing on for an entire year! I was so mortified when upon him penetrating, I nervously asked, “is it in yet?” Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last.
One time, me and my boyfriend were having sex and his brother walked in on us, grabbed something, and then left the room without saying a thing.Â
Being a forgetful person sucks to begin with, but when that’s heightened under the influence of alcohol it can make things pretty awkward… such as leaving your entire purse at a guy’s house after a night of the you-know-what. I had my phone with me, but my wallet and everything else was left at his PARENT’S house. This guy never had any intention of talking to me ever again except for the fact that now I needed to grab my stuff. He messaged me to tell me he had my bag and would drop it off in a couple hours. Sweet, thanks. EXCEPT, he didn’t tell me when he was coming and my dad happened to be outside working in the garage when the guy pulled up to my house with my purse. My dad took it from him and brought it to my room and obviously asked why this guy had my purse. It was so awkward to just be like, “ohhhhh….. no reason dad.”Â
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This summer, after sleeping with a guy he says to me, “it was your Instagram that did it for me.” Uhhhh what!? I’m glad that’s what you were thinking of when I’m literally here, in your bed, completely naked.Â
I’d been sleeping with this guy for a little while and after a “busy” night my neck and boobs had quite a few hickies (not my style, at all). I spent most of the next day there but covered them well with a high neckline and my hair down. Fast forward to the afternoon and I absentmindedly changed into my bikini to go for a swim (without consulting a mirror first) with his mom and sister. It wasn’t until after I got out of the water and back to their place that his sister said, “my mom saw your neck and she’s not impressed.” I could not have gotten out of there fast enough.Â
My partner’s Tinder went off during sex. (There is a happy ending though: he later became my boyfriend!)
A guy and I were in the process of doing the deed in my bedroom. Little did I know, my mom was supposed to return home early from work that day. Just as we’re both about to reach the finish line, my mother (who was none the wiser), knocked on my door. We both froze for half a second before he flew off the bed and hovered in the doorway with a wide-eyed look of shock on his face. We were interrupted just as he was orgasming. And that’s exactly what he did, naked and afraid, getting semen all over my carpet. Not a proud moment.Â
My roommate and her mom walked in on me and a Tinder date Netflix and Chilling in our living room. Yikes.
I was staying over at a guy’s house and all was going well. We fooled around for a little bit and then went to sleep. I was sleeping on the side of the bed that was against the wall. His sheets were some kind of wool-blend and he had draped his entire 6-foot-plus body over top of me like a bear in hibernation. I have never been so uncomfortably hot in my entire life. Time seemed to stop as sweat dripped down my face and I contemplated what death by heat stroke might feel like. I couldn’t really move since I was wedged against the wall, with a large guy clinging to me, tangled up in the sheets. In about an hour’s time, I had managed to slide out of bed without waking him up. At this point, I’m naked, sweating, all red from being so hot and exhausted and my hair is a damp mess. In a daze, I stumble out to go to the bathroom. His younger sister is in the hallway. We lock eyes and she slowly backs away into her bedroom without a word. It was never mentioned again. Probably not my best look tbh.Â
We ain’t done yet. Look for the final segment of the Sex Archives featuring the most cringe-worthy stories you have EVER heard.Â