I don’t know about you, but I feel like I tend to buy normal things online—hats, clothing, the odd beauty product—but Amazon tends to take my normal purchases to the next level with their recommendations for me. I decided to scroll through the lists they made me and pick out some of the weirdest stuff. But to my family and friends: don’t buy me this stuff for Christmas…or I will hate you.
1. A National Geographic South African adventure map
This one kind of makes sense because I studied abroad in South Africa, but who buys maps anymore? And who spends 11 dollars on a map? $10.99
2. The 2017 Lifetime Movie “MY BABY IS GONE!”
“Pregnant Emily bonds quickly with her pregnant neighbor Kelly, but Kelly is faking it and plans to steal Emily’s baby.” Sounds… thrilling. $3.99
3. Symak Sales Co 1X Egg Cup Set of 4
I eat eggs a lot, but I really don’t know why I would need this. $5.52
4. TrendsGal Women’s Cartoon Cat Zipper Ladies Workmanship Change Purse
It has a tail for a zipper. Enough said. $6.89
5. Coochy Rash Free Frosted Cake Water Bases Shave Cream and Moisturizer
I know this is because I buy razors in bulk online, but still. I’m not trying to use “Frosted Cake” flavored bikini cream. $10.50
6. Better4Babies Modal Cotton Thermal Long Underwear Set
I don’t have kids, so I don’t know why this one popped up. In my opinion, the best one is the mustard set. $25.90
7. Zhicheng Dora the Explorer Backpack Rescue Bag with Map
Again, I do not have children, Amazon! $14.98
8. Passionate Adventure Women’s Retro ruched One Piece Bandeau Push Up Halter Monokini
I would never wear this in a thousand years. Like it’s fine, I guess. Just not my style. $15.99
9. Yunga Tart Seatz Bath
So at first I thought this was a mini bathtub for a baby, since Amazon is convinced I have kids. But no, it is a “standard therapeutic soaking bath with a large 2+ quart basin, ideal for use for: episiotomy, hemorrhoids and other personal conditions.” Apparently you attach it to your toilet and sit in it to soak your hemorrhoids. I won’t be needing that, but thanks anyway. $16.49