Am I Doing ‘College’ Right?

I…don’t love college?

There’s an expectation that your undergraduate years are ‘the best years of your life.’ You’re supposed to meet the friends you’ll keep through adulthood, discover who you are, what you want to do, and maybe even meet your spouse. College is advertised as four years of euphoria and clarity where you’re just living and growing into an idealistic and philosophical version of yourself. 

But here I am, almost done with my first semester, not understanding what all the hype is about. Going out to parties, living away from home, and just being a college student isn’t anything I’m running through the fields about, screaming how great it all is. I’m just kind of…here.

I know there’s no way I’m alone in this feeling–transitions are hard for everyone. But the stigma of ‘the college experience’ gives me such intense FOMO that I’m convinced there must be something wrong with me. I don’t relate to all my friends at different universities “#thriving” on their finstas; so am I doing something wrong?

I meet married couples who say they met in college, and all I can think is WHAT. THE. HELL?? Is that supposed to be me?

Both of my parents met their current best friends in college. During their undergrad. IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ME??

I meet people my age who seem to be thriving in college. They already have internships set up for the summer, a close-knit group of friends, maybe even a S.O., and they seem really happy to be where they are.

There’s a lot of pressure to be having the time of your life. But for me, college has been lonely. It’s still just…life, and it’s hard. I’m not an idealistic adult version of myself now that I’ve spent a few months living in university housing. My life isn’t perfect, my relationships and social life aren’t perfect, and that shouldn’t be considered a failure. No, I’m not loving college so far, but I’m hopeful that someday I’ll be that annoying girl in Utah whose “#thriving” all over the place; and it will be okay that I didn’t start out that way.

I recently watched this video created by a freshman student at Cornell University, and I found it really comforting. Emery, the girl who made this video, encapsulates a lot of what I’ve felt during my first semester at college. 

I’m staying optimistic towards my college experience, and if you haven’t found your college euphoria yet (which I’m not sure actually exists), you’re not alone in this feeling. I hope that her thoughts (or mine) may give you a sense of peace. Just know that you’re not alone in being lonely, and whether it happen in college or beyond, you won’t be lonely forever.

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4  

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• college
• college freshman
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