Optimism is a great thing to strive for, especially in moments of misery. But, don’t get me wrong — heartbreak sucks; I know it sucks. All I want to do is scream into the mountains that it sucks and throw rocks at bigger rocks and cry, but every book, article, movie, and person in my life keeps telling me that this type of shit really gets better and I’m choosing to believe them. I hope you choose that, too.
1. First and foremost
STOP WEARING THEIR CLOTHES, listening to your breakup playlist (I know you have one,) watching the romantic movies that make you ugly cry, and looking through old messages and photos. Delete their number, and delete them on social media. It will help. Wallowing in it won’t. Work to accept that they’re not in your life anymore. Things will get better.
2. They’re not as perfect for you as you thought they were.
Breakups are great in the sense that they offer clarity. This step will take some time, but the distance from them will let you see the bigger flaws of your relationship. Eventually, you’ll see the real reasons why things didn’t work out, and why that might have been for the best.
3. You’ll be okay without them.
At the beginning of a breakup, it seems like nothing could ever fill the hole in your life where your S.O. used to be–I promise you, this will get better.
4. Finding Distractions (or avoiding the rebound)
Sometimes it’s a matter of staying busy. When all you can think about is your ex, taking your mind off of it is sometimes the best thing you can do. Continue to work on yourself and filling your life with positive things. Eventually, they will fade away. Take up a new hobby; try yoga, buy a mindfulness coloring book, start baking. Scour your Pinterest board; this is a great time to try new things! Invest in yourself. Odds are you spent a little too much time investing in them.
5. You’re still going to miss them–and that’s okay.
It’s okay to miss them. Of course you’ll miss them. A sad day without them does not have to be a step backward. It’s your choice how you handle it. Acknowledge the strength in being alone, and try to let it empower you.
6. It just takes time.
Do your best, put yourself out there, but it’s okay to admit that you’re heartbroken. It’s okay to grieve and be angry or sad or however you feel about losing them. It takes time to heal, don’t be mad at yourself that you’re not over it yet. There isn’t a magic number for the amount of time it’s going to take to get over an ex based on the time you were together. It might take a year, it might take a week — it’s different for everybody. Allow yourself that time. You’re entitled to that.
7. I’m still glad I met my ex
It would be easier to say that he’s a horrible person and that I wish I never met him and never needed him in the first place, but that just isn’t true. You learn and gain things from each relationship–good or bad. I wouldn’t trade our memories for a lack of heartache.
Heartbreak can be a great opportunity for self-reflection. It doesn’t have to be all binge eating pints of ice cream and watching rom-coms. I hope these tips help you make it through whatever heartbreak you might encounter in your life and improve your ability to come out stronger on the other side.