Fictitious Relationships: Expectations of What They Should Be Vs. Reality

Photo Cred: http://citifmonline.com/2016/08/09/10-sweet-signs-that-prove-your-love-i…

In society as a whole we tend to have ideas and visions of what a relationship should be like, what’s acceptable, what’s not, and so on and so forth. We see memes and Instagram pictures and tweets portraying what an “ideal” relationship should be. This then begins to let us overthink what we have, underestimate our partner, and over analyze what could be good or bad for us in a relationship. We spend so much time chasing after these unrealistic and complicated “relationship goals” that sometimes makes us forget why we began dating our partner in the first place. One thing that should be understood about all relationships is that it’s about you and your partner. Strictly that. It should not matter what anyone else is doing or saying when it comes to their relationship because it’s best to fit them. You must not get caught up on what you see in this unrealistic internet world because you will end up highly disappointed. Here’s a few perceptions that al,l if not most of us, seem to know about relationships and why they are not realistic.

One big idea that seems to be floating around lately is the thought that your significant other should buy you gifts or anything in general. When you see images on Twitter or Instagram it might have a picture of a lover holding a bear and some roses, or a picture saying guys should buy their woman lingerie, or you should receive a promise ring at some point of your relationship. These cliche, stereotypical ideas should stop. For one, as someone who wants things, go get them yourself. Never depend on someone else to give you the finer things in life. I would prefer to go to my parents before I go to a significant other. Simply because I feel as though that’s such a huge expectation. For two, expecting things is extremely selfish. If your lover happens to buy and give you something that’s great, but for someone to say you must buy me these things or you don’t care about me or that they don’t love you is ridiculous. Being a college student has left me broke, uncomfortable, and understanding. Understand that some people don’t have it to give. Understand that if you both are in college that times are hard. Materialistic things are not everything and if they are in your “RELATIONSHIP” then it’s not real.

Another idea that has been seen a lot lately is the idea that you will never get sick of your partner. I cannot explain how inaccurate that is. You may love and care and will defend your lover until the end of time but at some point they will annoy you. If someone says their partner isn’t annoying they’re either lying or simply trying to ignore the fact. It’s not a bad thing to want to get space from your partner. You can love and adore them as much as possible but everyone needs a mental break. It’s not that you don’t want to spend time with them, it’s simply the fact that you need to recuperate because it’s hard. Personally, I need about a good two hours of the day to be alone without texting, talking, or face to face interaction because if not I’ll become a monster, literally. It’s not really a bad thing. Understanding that space is required to have a lasting relationship is very powerful. The need not to depend on your significant other, but just simply want them around is beautiful. Do not confuse them. The second thing I have to add to the concept is the fact that everyone thinks relationships will be all peaches and cream and easy. They are not easy at all. Trust is a hard thing to do. Adjusting to certain parts of your lover’s life is hard. Accepting them in complete entirety is difficult. Relationships are hard. Once you understand one another and work on not only the surface but deep level issues it will become easier. Life however, will never be easy. Your partner is there to ride it out with you but you should never expect to not receive any bumps on the relationship road. It happens. If you love them and you want to work it out make it happen but realize things will arise.

The final ideas are kind of common thoughts. For one, expecting to spend tons and tons of time together. Life has expectations itself. Whether you have a job, you’re in school, or you are apart of some organization you’ll always have something to do. You’ll always have a time where something has to be done and it has to be done then and there. Expecting your significant other to just drop everything to be with you 24/7 is a bit vain. I completely understand never wanting your lover to go or never wanting to stop talking to them, but at some point you have to and be okay with it. People have other things in their life to do. You’re just a factor in their lives. Do not expect to be the entirety of it. Second, a lot of people seem to think arguments will not happen. That is extremely to the fifth power false. Excessive arguing should not happen but an argument here and there is normal. Now the way you communicate and settle these arguments can be a bit tricky. One huge thing I’ve learned is to try to sympathize, put myself in their shoes, listen, and simply respect their feelings. Even if you agree to disagree respect and try to understand how they feel. If you choose not to do that you could lose your relationship. Third, the “relationship goal” that where you go your lover should follow. In theory it seems all romantic and dreamy but in reality it’s a bit crazy. For someone to pick up and leave everything they have is highly risky. It’s hard to restart life elsewhere. Understand that your partner may not be able to see everything you see, go everywhere you go, but if you feel as though you can make it work, do it. Not everything will go your way. Finally, going out all the time is not a thing. Relating to the topic of a broke college student again, going out all the time is extremely inaccurate. There’s multiple ways and things you can do to spend time with your partner. It’s up to you to get creative, figure out what you both like, and make it work. It can be done.

In the last thoughts, we must stop allowing outside concepts or people convince us these ideas are normal or practical because they’re not. No one will and can predict how your relationship will and should go. Being understanding and flexible, this is what a good relationship is all about. Sacrifice, understanding, and respecting your partner are some of the best things you can give to them. Stop letting Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, or whatever social site depict how your relationship will turn out. Allow for openness to embrace all aspects of your relationship. If you feel uncomfortable with something let it be known. If you want more of something, use your words to address it. You cannot expect things to be perfect. The more you praise these ideas, the more difficult it’ll make the relationship. Be steady and go at an easy pace that works for the both of you. The more you put into your relationship the more you will get out of it. If you force all these ideas and complicated restrictions onto it then it will most likely bend under pressure. Yes, I am aware that under pressure these rocks creates diamonds but in this case it will simply create dust.