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Love Languages: Which is Yours?

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Michela Herbert
Sydney Hotz
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Columbia Barnard chapter.

 

I was at camp in middle school when I first heard of love languages. Once we got past the giggles of ~rOmAnCe~ my counselors explained what they were and how they’re useful outside of romantic relationships. Today, I’m here to do the same!

 

Love languages are ways to communicate love. Most people tend to have two dominant languages but you might find that you give and receive love in different ways. You can read the descriptions below to see which resonate most with you or take a handy quiz online here.

 

Physical Touch

This love language goes beyond sexual contact. People who love in this way know the power of a good hug, feel close when holding hands, and love having a hand on their or their partner’s arm or leg. This person is probably a cuddler, might enjoy having their back rubbed and at the end of a rough day, just really need to be held.

 

Words of Affirmation

Compliments, encouragement and verbal validation of the relationship are very important to someone who loves through words of affirmation. They would appreciate letters and little notes reminding them of how loved they are and unsolicited praise. Beyond saying “I love you,” the reasons why mean the world to this person.

 

 

Acts of Service

Someone who speaks this language will show their love for others by going out of their way to help them. They feel most loved when others step in for them; it’s all about lending a hand. This could look like assisting them with chores, helping someone do something they’re stressed about, and doing favors for them.

 

Receiving Gifts

This person isn’t necessarily equating a new necklace to true love, but rather finds physical manifestations of love to be comforting. It shows their partner is thinking about them and went out of their way to recognize that. Gifts, no matter how little, demonstrate thoughtfulness, care and knowledge of the other person are gestures that speak for themselves.

 

Quality Time

Like it sounds, this person wants to spend quality time with their partner. This way to love asks for undivided attention. Setting aside time to simply be together, whether they’re doing a fun activity or just talking, is crucial. They want someone to truly be with them.

 

 

A healthy, thriving relationship probably uses a large blend of all of the love languages. If someone is feeling unfulfilled or not confident in their knowledge of how loved they are, it’s easy to check this list and see if their way to communicate love is being listened to. I’ve had friendships where because we spoke through different love languages, some hard feelings came up.

For example, I love a lot through words of affirmation, but for her, quality time was super important. When I cancelled plans or didn’t make time to see her, she felt like I didn’t care about the relationship whereas I thought everything was fine since I was sending her sweet notes and communicating that way. Once I realized how we loved in different ways, I made sure to make time for her and she was able to see my words as a more serious way to get my love across.

 

Find out which language works for you, ask your friends, ask your partner and live a life so full of love!!

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar
Michela has recently moved to New York City from the California Bay Area. You can find her trying to soak up as much sun as she can while rocking socks and sandals and guzzling coffee!
Sydney Hotz

Columbia Barnard

Sydney is in love with New York City, dogspotting, and chorizo tacos. She's an aspiring novelist, a Barnard feminist, and might deny she was born in New Jersey.