Mental illness is one of those topics that is still considered “taboo” in today’s society. Because of this, there is a large stigma that surrounds it that mainly stems from people being misinformed. Due to the lack of open communication, individuals who have mental illnesses typically get the short end of the stick. Not only do they often have to deal with their illnesses themselves, but they also have to deal with uniformed people making the situation even worse.
Want to avoid accidentally saying something that’s not okay? Have no fear, and take a look at this handy guide of things you should absolutely never say to someone with a mental illness.
1. “You just want attention.”
Let’s start with one of the most common assumptions: the idea that mental illness is just a way to gain attention. For individuals with that mindset, I can only assume that you are misinformed. I am glad you are among the lucky minority of people who have never had to experience the true toll that a mental illness takes on an individual and those around them, but I encourage you to do your research.
Nobody wakes up one day and just decides they want to suffer from an invisible disease to gain popularity. Why would people use their mental illness as an attention seeking tactic when nobody takes them seriously anyway?
2. “It could be worse.”
This is one of those things that we should be smart enough never say to anyone, whether that individual has a mental illness or not. Unfortunately, it is still thrown around all the time, especially in this context. This needs to stop.
There are always going to be people worse off than you, just like there are always going to be people who are better off than you. This does not mean that each person’s own personal suffering is not valid. A person’s struggles are unique to them and should not be seen as a competition. Telling someone that it could be worse does not take their very real pain away.
3. “You’re only acting this way because of your illness.”
An individual is not defined by their illness. Everything someone says or does is not directly related to their disorder. You would never even think to tell someone with a physical illness “you’re only acting this way because you have the flu.” There is no connection between the two.
People often think that because mental illnesses affect your mind, that means that it affects every decision we make and everything we do, but this isn’t true. Those with mental illnesses are still functional and valid human beings with dignity, and we do not need to blame everything that happens on their illness. Someone can have a bad day for reasons other than accidently skipping their medication.
4. “Choose happiness.”
This phrase is everywhere: inspirational posters, throw pillows, twitter bios, you name it. While it’s a sweet sentiment in theory, saying this to someone with a mental illness oversimplifies the problem. It implies that an individual’s internal struggles and unbalanced brain chemistry are simply a product of their own choices and that all it takes to “snap out of it” is a simple change in perspective. We need to move away from this idea to stop blaming people for having a mental illness.
5. “I know how you feel.”
These words are rarely said with malicious intent. However, implying that you know exactly what someone else is going through is not only pretty annoying, but in almost all cases, untrue. There is a big difference between empathy and pretending to know someone’s experiences. Even if you’ve gone through a similar situation or have the same mental illness, everyone experiences things differently. How one person reacts to a situation cannot be compared to another person’s individual experience. We’re all different. You can offer someone your love and support without leading the conversation back to you.
This list just barely scratches the surface, and represents just a few of the many hurtful things that those with mental illness hear. Even if you have never said these words verbatim, think about the implications of the things you so carelessly say to people.
When you ask someone in a bad mood if they’ve taken their medicine this morning, are you implying that everything they do is a direct result of their illness? When you brush a friend off who’s trying to open up to you, are you indicating, though not in as many words, that their struggle is not valid? Remember to think before you speak. If you want to support someone with a mental illness, just simply be there for them. Treat humans like normal human beings. It’s not your responsibility to offer them advice or have all of the answers. Once everyone understands this, the world will be a better place for all of us.
For more information on mental illness–including resources, referrals, and support–contact the National Alliance on Mental Health Helpline (1-800-960-NAMI).