Going to university has, without a single doubt, been my introduction to some of the best people in my life. I’ve been here a year, and I already know I’ve met people that I want in my life forever.
The social benefits still don’t change the fact I’m horrifically shy.
Sure, I’m super friendly when you get to know me, but underlying is introversion and social anxiety that makes some days and many, many socials rough events. My freshers wasn’t great, and even going into second year as a social sec, I struggle. But, if I’ve managed it – you can too. Here’s how:
1. Do things you’re scared of
Everyone says that the biggest part of uni is growing as a person, and you can’t do that if you stay in your comfort zone forever. It’ll happen at some point of your life no matter what, that you’ll do something new and exciting and nerve-wracking, so why not do it when you’re surrounded by a group of people who are all experiencing the exact same anxiety in some form or another?
2. Don’t feel bad for bailing on things you don’t like
This follows on from the last point. If you do things that make you nervous, you will almost definitely find something that you actually really enjoy – but that can’t always be the case.
If you show up to give playing Quidditch a go and find you actually really can’t stand it, don’t force yourself into it. Likewise, if you make yourself go to your Physics introductory social and realise you’re just too anxious to make any friends, give yourself a break and don’t push it.
3. Don’t feel bad for not going out
Everyone needs a break. Sometimes you’ll stumble upon an absolutely amazing night out that you wouldn’t have done if you had bailed after pres, but just as often you’ll look at that bottle of cheap wine and decide you want nothing more than to get yourself some hot coco and catch up on Bake Off.
That is totally okay – it’s better than paying the overpriced entry ticket just to realise 30 minutes in you want to go to bed. Friends should respect your boundaries and needs – don’t go out with them if they’re making you feel bad for being uncomfortable.
4. Find things you do like doing, and run with it
Some folks (me included) really do love clubs! But so many societies now embrace the art of coffee mornings and film clubs, and if those work for you, don’t feel ashamed for skipping the rest of the events. I’m not saying it’s always easy to talk to people even when you’re just having cake, but you’ll at least be more at ease, and will probably feel more comfortable holding conversations.
This is just like earlier points – if you’ve tried something and don’t like it, don’t fucking do it. Don’t force yourself to be somewhere you really hate being. You won’t have a good time, you’ll want to talk to people even less, and chances are that if they love being there, they’re going to keep talking about it until you inevitably have to tell them that you don’t want to be there but stuck around anyway. Why bother when you could be doing something fun you actually enjoy, with people who have the same interests?
5. Master the art of smalltalk
Smalltalk is the worst. No one likes it, but that seems to me that the universe has looked as us all and said, “tough shit!”. And, while we all want those close buds who we can talk about everything with, they only come through the awkward week of small talk that preceded it. Once you get through the obligatory lines of “What do you study, where are you from, what do you think of your classes?” it’s easy to get lost if you’re particularly shy.
When you get to that point, just start asking questions. The weirder the questions, the more memorable you’ll be, and at that point, you might find the other person actually does have a weird candle collection that’s just as large as yours!
6. When in doubt: fake it till you make it.
It is tested and true advice that works time and time again: fake it! No one needs to know that you don’t want to be surrounded by fourteen people you don’t know during pre-drinks! No one needs to know that the concept of putting your hand up in a seminar terrifies you! No one needs to know that you feel too awkward to make smalltalk with anyone but the two others at a social who were off to the side like you!
Don’t tense up, project your voice, and talk like you own the damn place.
And, when you want to freak out and go home, just remember: you will be fine.