How Have I Been Since You Left?

I wish I could say I have been great, but that would be a lie. If there was one word to describe how I have been it would be terrible. As I sit here and write this, I am sure there is someone new already. Someone that you have already replaced me with. Someone who gets all your attention and love. Someone who is better than me. Someone who is perfect, in every single way. Someone who will give you what you want, when you want it. I am so hurt. I am so heartbroken. You told me time and time again that I was something to you, that you cared, and for three years every night before I went to bed you told me you loved me. Did you ever mean it? For a month now I haven’t been told that I am loved. I haven’t been told how much I am worth. I have just been so utterly sad to even do anything. I have been blaming myself, even though I know it was the both of us. No one should have to go through what you put me through. No one should have to say no to hanging out with their friends because they are so broken to go out. No one should have to lay in their bed at night and cry a waterfall amount of tears. No one should ever have to be this hurt. No one.

So what have I done for the past month you ask? Nothing. I wait around all day thinking you will text me saying how much of a mistake it was. I wish that would happen. I also wish that you would text me with closure. We still have a story that is not finished. Week one was awful. I did nothing. I dreaded going to work. I didn’t see any of my friends. I just laid around sad, and hurt. The following week I finally saw my friends and it made me feel a little bit better. I was still so sad and couldn’t even think about you. I couldn’t fathom the idea of not having you in life anymore. I didn’t know what a day without you looked like. I wasn’t strong. I was weak. By the third week I forgot about you a little bit. I didn’t wait for a text from you everyday. I went out, enjoyed seeing my friends. I enjoyed life again, but there were sometimes when night fell where I missed you so much. I again then thought about how this was all my fault. I don’t think I will ever fully forgive myself for any of this. I treated you so bad, but the way you treated me was the same.

Here I am now. I started school again and I’m doing okay. I am keeping busy and being back with my friends is helping a lot. I still think about you every now and again but it being a month now I don’t wait for your texts every morning. I don’t wait for you to call anymore. I don’t wait for the “I love you” anymore at night. The only time I think of you is when things get hard and there is no one to turn to. I’ll miss you when I go to take a test and there is no one there to tell me it’s going to be okay.

Just one more thing to all the girls out there: don’t stay with someone who treats you like you aren’t worth anything. Do not let someone tell you that you aren’t worth it. Do not let someone tear you down so much that you have no idea where to go. Do not let someone tell you they love you when they don’t. I promise you the first time you get into a fight, and they call you every name in the book, they are not worth it. Just walk away right then and there.

Everything will be okay…

From the girl with a broken heart.

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