Success is a relative term that is often used in the place of words like “healthy” or “happy.” a successful relationship would be one that, by your own terms, promotes your individual wholeness and wellbeing while making you happy to share yourself with someone else. I wanted to know what things women considered to be relevant when qualifying a relationship as a successful one. What I did not expect was to find that most testimonies were repetitive of one another. They all had different circumstances and relationship types, but the things that mattered the most were the same within all of their separate experiences. This goes to show that there might be a key to success, or at least a somewhat clear path towards it.
Here’s what they said:
Carla, 18: single
“I think what makes a successful relationship is trust. Trusting someone means respecting them and respecting yourself enough to know what you deserve and being confident in the fact that your significant other is in it for good reasons and does not mean any harm to you. You also have to be realistic, nothing is perfect and you have to dedicate yourself to the things you want to see succeed.”
Gabriela, 20: it’s complicated
“Being there for each other for the bad and the worse. Supporting each other is a big thing at the end of the day. Also communication, without good communication there’s no base for a good relationship. Right now I’m in the middle of a situation where I could walk out and look for love somewhere else, but that would be the easy way out; instead I want to be there for the person I care about until we figure this out together.”
Valeria, 21: single
“I don’t know much about relationships because I haven’t had a successful one yet, but I am big on respect. If I can’t respect someone, I certainly cannot date them. The same goes for the other way around, if the guy I like does not respect me I don’t think I could ever be in relationship with him.”
Natalie, 28: in a relationship
“Communication and respect are the main things for me. I’ve been through highs and lows in my relationship and sometimes we are the “on-and-off” type, but we always seem to solve whatever problem we have by talking it through. We respect each other and know that we are both capable of being better, so we make sure to hold each other accountable for our mistakes.”
Laura, 21: in a relationship
“For me it would be commitment. If you want a long-term, successful relationship then you have to be in the same page with your boyfriend. You have to know that the relationship is going somewhere and that has to be your goal. You will work towards that goal with your boyfriend for as long as it makes you both happy and it has value to both. Of course, to be on the same page you first need to have good communication.”
Camila, 22: single
“If you want a successful relationship, you have to be honest about what you want. Maybe your definition of “successful” is a relationship in which you can have your own time and not make your boyfriend think he is bothering you. This can be hard to explain to someone that you like spending time with, but the number one person you need to be okay with is yourself.”
Lauren, 20: in a relationship
“Communication makes a good relationship, but there’s more to it too. To be with a person you have to do more than talk to them, you have to have things in common, or at least be able to respect the things you don’t have in common. You have to be there for them and be willing to give in and let some things pass in order to move forward. Nothing is picture perfect, so don’t expect him to be.”
Crystal, 19: in a relationship
“Being yourself and accepting your defects is the first step before you are in a successful relationship. Once you are complete, then you can offer your best qualities to the person you are with.”
Amanda, 20: single
“I don’t want to judge anyone’s relationship, but I feel like a successful relationship is one in which you don’t have to know where your boyfriend is 24/7 in order to feel secure. Confident people are successful in general, including in relationships; if you are confident in yourself and in your relationship, then you are covered. To get there you need to trust each other and be able to put yourselves in the shoes of the other before jumping into conclusions.”
Jessica, 21: in a relationship
“I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and I think the thing that has kept us together all this time is our transparency with each other. We’ve always been honest with each other so communication has never been an issue. He is my best friend and that’s why it is so easy for me to go to him first every time something is going on in my life.”
After collecting all these different perspectives, I saw that many terms kept repeating themselves: communication, respect, honesty, trust, support and a sense of individual wholeness were the most popular ideas. If in fact I were to put together their opinions to get a general idea of what women think makes a successful relationship, it would go something like this:
Talk openly with your significant other, about the good things and the bad things; know your worth and respect the worth of your partner, giving each other value will also give value to your relationship; Make sure they know how you feel so that they feel comfortable confiding in you, being vulnerable can strengthen your bond; Trust them to be the person you fell in love with, being confident in yourself and your relationship is very appealing; Support them throughout all their ups and downs, being there shows that you care to share their happiness and sorrows so that moments are never overwhelming anymore; Focus on your wellbeing and happiness, be successful by yourself first, and the rest will follow for you to offer the same to someone else.
cover photo: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/af/ac/ed/afaced60b1814f515eef452ffa3847f5…