Having a physical disorder is hard to admit to yourself, especially when it’s one you can’t see. Strabismus, however, affects the way you see, or at least the stage of strabismus that I have does. The slang term for strabismus, the term I always use when people ask about my eyes, “lazy eye,” makes this condition sound like some sort of birth mark. Describing my lazy eye as what it actually is, “strabismus”, is such an under-used term that it actually came up as being a spelling error when I was typing the title for this piece.
What actually is strabismus? Basically, it’s when the strength of your eye muscles are imbalanced, which causes one eye to turn. For me, it’s my left eye that turns inwards, it looks like I’m half cross-eyed. It’s something I’ve had since I was a baby that has worsened with age. My eye used to only turn in when I was excited or tired, but as I got older it became more constant and less of a result of an exertion of energy. Since my eye is turned in most of the time, it causes me to have diplopia, or double vision.
It affects how I drive. Throughout high school, I was always seeing different eye doctors, all of which had different opinions as to whether I should be driving or not. Most of the time I can tell which objects are the results of double vision and which are real. It also affects my attention span. I have been told I come across as rude for not being able to maintain eye contact with people, but it is physically challenging to try to hold my eyes in one position. It can also be uncomfortable when meeting new people, I can always tell the moment they notice it and usually I’ll give some sort of little explanation if they don’t ask first. It also makes working and focusing on a screen a lot more challenging, which as a graphic design and animation major can be pretty frustrating.
Image Source: https://www.stormmanagement.com/models/moffy/
There is a way to fix strabismus: surgery. For those who are affected by it less frequently, eye therapy is another option (this consists of doing eye exercises on the computer or doing visual concentration tasks such as juggling), however most people will need eye therapy even after surgery and if left untreated the strabismus will worsen. The surgery process involves detaching your eye muscle from your eye and repositioning it to a more outwards facing position. Apparently, the recovery process feels like you have sand in your eyes, and there is a chance of retinal detachment years after having the procedure. I was supposed to have the surgery over a year ago, but as someone who has dedicated their life to hopefully having a career in the visual arts, this has been a process that has always scared me. I’m supposed to have my surgery in August of this year, but part of me is learning to love my eye as is. Although this condition is somewhat common, I still have yet to meet someone with it. Something about it just feels unique, and its people like Moffy, the cross-eyed model that make it feel like it can be something beautiful.
I also think that it is not an obstacle that should hold someone back. No physical disorder or unique physical trait should stand in a person’s way of reaching their full potential. There is a handful of examples of famous people who have achieved their status without any cause for trouble. Ryan Gosling, the Canadian actor and dashing man, has dazzling blue eyes, one of which turns to left a little. Heidi Klum, Kate Moss, Kristin Bell and Demi Moore are undeniably beautiful women who all have strabismus. Two of America’s presidents, Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, had lazy eyes. Abraham Lincoln’s left eye tended to roll upwards, due to nerve damaged received from a horse kick to the head as a boy. According to Stephen Douglas, Lincoln’s presidential competitor in the 1858 election, Lincoln’s eye would roll wildly when he spoke. These people serve as examples of overcoming obstacles and living extraordinary lives with a disability that anyone could be effected by.
So if you happen to meet someone with strabismus, ask them about it instead of staring. It’s something I’m always learning about and would be happy to share my experience to help others learn, too.