I’ve been grappling with the idea of friendship lately. It’s word that I find some people use too loosely and others have too strict requirements. A friend means something different to every person. For some people, a friend is anyone you see a few times or can sit with in a cafeteria and hold a conversation. For other people, a friend is someone who thinks about you both during the good and the bad times.
I talked to a few people on the subject and I left feeling more confused than when I started. If I was far too strict on my requirements for friends, I realized I didn’t really have any. It made most interactions I had on campus lose their luster. At the same time, when I had loose requirements of friends, I found myself in awkward situations. I would feel like I was intruding when I stopped by to say hello with nothing of substance to share.
I don’t like the word “friend.” I think that because it is a word with no concrete definition, it forces us to analyze relationships in ways we shouldn’t. The more I talk about “friends” and “friend groups,” the more people I find out feel like outsiders or are plagued with self-doubt.
I think about this after my recent conversations with underclassmen about loneliness, previous conversations with students at other liberal arts schools who felt the same way and reflecting on my own feelings of lack of belonging. As I said to all of them and constantly try to remind myself, what matters more is your comfort. If you’re most comfortable talking to the person since you’ve known since kindergarten or a person you met five minutes ago, relish in that.
Life is too short to spend it worrying over a word. Spend enjoying experiences.