When You’re Single
1. Great, I can’t go out today without looking like the world’s third wheel.
2. It’s just a Hallmark holiday.
3. So. Many. Couples. Everywhere.
4. I’m going to go ahead and splurge… I deserve that Tiffany & Co. ring.
5. Mom, I understand I have been single for four years now but can you please not post “Happy Single Awareness Day, sweetie” on my Facebook timeline?
6. No, Sarah, I don’t want to hear about all the stuff Billy got you.
7. Screw Valentines Day, I’m just waiting on the discounted candy.
8. My boyfriend is so handsome, looking all invisible and shit.
9. Can I just marry myself?
10. People call it Valentines Day, I call it Tuesday.
When You’re In a Relationship
1. YES BITCH. Time to put on my sexy new lingerie and strut around with my boo!
2. Are these roses for me?
3. Maybe we should set a budget on gifts this year…
4. Okay, I have already gone over my budget by $50 and it’s only noon.
5. Hopefully he doesn’t realize that I can’t cook.
6. This is the year I get diamonds. I can feel it.
7. Is it acceptable to put up two instas in one day? One of me and bae and one of my new necklace.
8. Gimmie all the champagne.
9. We get it, you hate Valentines Day, but you should let us enjoy it.
10. I am a princess.
When It’s Complicated
1. We hooked up on February 13th.
2. Should I text him and say “Happy Valentines Day” or wait for him to text me?
3. I should probably lower my expectations.
4. What if I take a picture of my roommates flowers and put them on MY snapstory. That’ll get him. That’ll get him good.
5. I heart you. I lava you. Olive juice. Whatever you do don’t say the L word.
6. I just gotta play it cool and be chill.
7. Well, last week he said I was cool soooo do you think he’ll take me out to dinner tonight? Or nahhh?
8. I didn’t realize we we’re in love until the pressure of Valentines Day kicked in.
9. What are we?
10. THIS IS ALL TOO STRESSFUL!!!!!