It’s that time of the season, ladies: cuffing season. The season we all dread or the season we all come alive in. It seems like everyone around us has a significant other. For me, most of my friends are in long-term relationships and some are even getting married. Which, don’t get me wrong, I am super happy for them. I only want happiness and healthy relationships for my friends, they deserve those beneficial relationships and I have made it clear to their significant others that I will do some serious damage, although I am only 4’11. Besides the point.
But it occurred to me, one night out drinking with my best friend and her boyfriend. Matt turned to me and said, “Angelica, why haven’t you found a boyfriend? Why are you so wild? Why don’t you settle down?”
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Who the heck are you to tell me that I am wild? Just because I am single doesn’t differentiate me from those girls who are in relationships. As long as I am happy with being single, that should be all that matters to. Although, I am perfect and I should have a boyfriend who treats me like a queen and brings me chicken nuggets. However, bringing it back to reality, I am single. Super single. But surprisingly I am totally okay with being by myself. Being single, well it isn’t all that bad. Single life, as rough as it can be sometimes be described as in movies and through friends, has taught me so many valuable things about myself.
Being single has taught me all of three things:
1. It teaches you how to exactly love yourself
After my breakup with my most recent boyfriend, I suddenly went on a search for validation. I started talking to multiple guys at once and I relied on their compliments and their attention for rebuilding my self-esteem. I started using sex as way to find love. Until one day, I broke down and looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I could no longer search for validation, but had to seek it within myself.
After that I went on a love journey and started writing about what I loved about myself, encouraged myself, validated myself. From then on out, I started to fall in love with myself. I started to feel better about myself. Being single opened my eyes to finding self-love. It taught me that I needed to love myself before anyone else could even possibly could. I could be the only one to rebuild my own self-esteem, rebuild the way I looked at myself in the mirror. Those bad times were worth it because I can say now with such certainty that I love myself.
2. It gives you time to know what you actually want out of life and a potential partner
I settled for certain people. I wasted time with boys after the break up. I wanted them because they were people giving me their time and attention. Granted, they were shitty guys who didn’t deserve a second glance. When I broke down, I made a list of what I wanted in a man, emphasis on the man part. This list is what I adhere to in my future relationships and people that I give my time and energy to. My single phase has also opened my eyes to what I want out of life. I want to travel everywhere I possibly can, I want to take trips and spa days, and I want to take days to myself, focus on my goals and aspirations, as well as focus on me. Entirely me. No one else. My single time has my top priority of my dreams, and myself and I would have never had that mentality in a relationship. It’s like that Beyoncé song, “Me, Myself and I”.
3. You figure out what you deserve.
Holy shit have I learned what I deserve. I settled for guys and things that I did not deserve, at all. I settled for situations that I knew would wreck me. I did them anyway because this was my happiness, this is what I wanted, this is how I could regain some part of my life back. Looking back, I realized that I did not need nor deserve the way those people treated me during those times. You realize that “Hey, I am damn good person, I don’t need this bullshit.” I didn’t need the tears, nor the comparisons, or the shitty feelings after. I deserve people who encourage me as well as love me for who I am, and until that finds me, I won’t go looking.
Never settle, love yourself, and figuring out what you deserve are things everyone should discover when finding themselves in the table for one seat. But, it will be the most fun, challenging and learning experience in your young life. So live it up. Love you and love people around you.