21 Things I’ve Learned In 21 Years

After celebrating my 21st birthday, I realized that while there’s still so much that I don’t know about life, love, and happiness, I’ve learned more than I give myself credit for. And I’m willing to bet you all have too.

1. Another cookie isn’t quite the crisis situation we imagine.

You won’t ruin your day or your diet by having that extra cookie after dinner. Don’t be ashamed if that’s the thing that will help you get through the day.

2. Buy expensive candles. They last longer.

Expensive candles last longer. Expensive earrings won’t give you ear infections. Expensive shoes won’t fall apart as easily. It sucks … especially because of that ‘broke college kid’ thing. But the money you would spend for a week of dinners at Shake Shack can get you far in life.

3. After a night of drinking, bring water to bed with you. You’ll thank yourself at 4 A.M.

When you wake up with a dry mouth and a spinning head, you’ll be glad that there’s a glass of water on your nightstand so you don’t have to trip over your heels and run into door frames on the way to the kitchen. No mom, of course I’m not speaking from experience!

4. Watch stand up comedy alone. You’ll be surprised at what really makes you laugh.

The first time I watched Ali Wong’s Baby Cobra stand up special, I was with a group of my friends who did not find her funny at all so (naturally) I didn’t laugh. The next time I watched Baby Cobra I laughed for 59 minutes and 16 seconds straight.

5. When Netflix asks you if you’re still watching, it’s probably time to get up.

It’s easy to get bogged down in work, to tune everything out, and just watch Netflix for hours on end. But we can’t avoid things forever. After three episodes or three hours, whatever you’re avoiding will still be there. It’s probably time to get to it.

6. There is so much time left.

Sometimes we can feel like we are running out of time- to travel, to find a job, to find an apartment, to figure out our lives. But we’re still young. There is still so much time to do what we want or need to do.

7. But we shouldn’t act like there is.

If we act like we still have all this time left, it stops being so precious. Tell the people you love that you love them. Tell the people you’ve wrong that you’re sorry. Be where you want to be and do what you want to do.

8. Take down your drunk tweets. And don’t post any more of them.

Future bosses will look at your social media accounts and they will judge you for what you’ve posted. Spend some time going through your tweets and deleting all the ones that say things like “ongghhggg i just calld my ex seveNTEEN times lmao #soryynotsorry” and “IM SOoo DRINK.” Go through your tagged photos on Facebook and untag the ones of you holding a bottle of Bacardi. Once you’ve deleted all of them, don’t post anymore. Just… don’t.

9. Never let people make you feel guilty about taking “too many” pictures. 

If you want to go to a concert and spend your time taking pictures to show your grandkids one of the best nights of your life, and if you want to spend your vacations photographing ancient architecture to bring home and hang on your walls- go for it. Why should people judge you for saving your memories? Photography doesn’t mean you’re not fully engaging with your experience, so don’t feel guilty about it!

10. Healing is not the same for everyone.

Healing isn’t always linear, it’s hardly ever easy, and sometimes one step forward means two steps back. Working through a painful experience is hard enough without comparing your coping mechanisms to someone else’s.

11. Ask for help when you need it.

Don’t sit by and wait for someone to ask if you need help. Don’t wait until you’re too overwhelmed. Needing help is nothing to be ashamed of, and a lot of the time people like to be asked for help because it makes them feel needed.

12. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

It’s also okay to go to dinner by yourself and to go out shopping by yourself and to do anything else you want by yourself. Embrace your “me” time. Don’t miss out on an experience that you want (or a meal that you’re craving) just because everyone else is busy or no one else wants to go with you.

13. You actually need to pay attention to care instructions on your clothes.

When the tag says line dry, you should line dry. When the tag says wash with like colors, wash with like colors- unless you want your white collared work shirt to turn a dingy grey from your new black socks. As you start to collect a professional wardrobe, your clothes will require more attention. If you don’t pay attention, you’ll need to buy new clothes and so the vicious cycle begins.

14. Blood is not always thicker than water.

If you have a toxic family member, or a toxic family in general, you don’t need to prove anything to them. Sometimes the best families and the most important family members are the ones we choose, the ones we make while we’re away at college or the ones we build throughout our adult years.

15. Don’t wear a band tee shirt if you don’t know the band.

I say this not because I’m judging you, but because I care. There is nothing worse than wearing a t-shirt for a band that you don’t listen to and being asked “so, what’s your favorite song by them?” The best thing you can hope for is to stutter through the conversation and hope it comes quickly to an end.

16. It’s always true love when you’re young.

It’s fine to believe when you’re 16 years old that the person you’re with will be the person you’re with forever. Sometimes it even happens that way. Regardless of the time spent with a person, and regardless of how old you are, love is love. And it’s always true love when you’re young.

17. Being bored is not a good enough reason to date someone.

Being lonely, being bored, or being sick of the single life does not mean that you’re ready to be someone’s SO. It’s not fair to yourself to compromise your heart, and it’s not fair to your partner to waste their time.

18. You don’t need to follow the same timeline as your friends.

Some people get married at 23, some people never get married. Some people are ready for marriage when they get married and some people aren’t ever ready. But you know what? Either way, it’s no big deal. Whether you move in with your SO at 18 and stay together forever, or are still figuring out what you want when you’re 30 – your timeline is your own and should not be dictated by what those around you are doing.

19. Your major doesn’t make you a greater or lesser person than anyone else.

Whether you’re in pre-med, elementary education, engineering or communications- your major does not define your intelligence, your worth or your heart. It defines your interests. Your interests don’t make you smarter, dumber, nicer, meaner, more or less interesting than anyone else.

20. Try to realize what’s reversible and what’s permanent.

This does not mean that “lot of the things that upset you now will not matter in a year,” although that’s true too. It means that when something’s gone and gone for good, let it go. It also means that when something can be fixed with an apology or a grand gesture, put forth the effort to make it happen.  

21. Stand up for what you believe in, regardless of what your boyfriend/best friend/parents/professors think.

This is perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned. I understand wanting to be liked. It’s more important to be liked for who you really are (and what you really believe) than to be engaged in a fake relationship with anyone.

Image 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

• emotional
• hardships
• help
• lessons
• life
• young adult