To the people who thought I was faking my anxiety,
Anxiety or any mental illness is bad enough. But what makes it worse is when people don’t believe you and aren’t there for you.
It began in my freshman year of high school. I was young and confused, and didn’t understand the feelings I had. I didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t even want to go to Target, which is my all-time favorite place. I had a panic attack every time I would get in the car, and I had no control over it. Before I or my parents could figure out what was wrong with me, people were already saying I was just blowing off school. I liked going to school. Trust me, I would’ve gone if I could, but physically and mentally I just couldn’t.
When I finally went to a psychiatrist and a psychologist, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. I had my first panic attack on top of the Empire State Building during spring break that year. Crowds of people and tight spaces I couldn’t escape fueled my anxiety problems. Then when people at my high school learned I missed the last two months of my freshmen year and would do my work in my guidance counselor’s office because of my anxiety, the rumors and doubt began once again.
“She’s totally faking it.”
“She just doesn’t want to come to school.”
“She’s such a liar.”
Why would I lie about something as serious as an anxiety disorder? Yes, I admit, as a child and young teen I did lie a lot about stupid stuff to impress people, but who didn’t? But as soon as my anxiety started, I became a completely different person.
I stopped lying, started enjoying the simple things in life and became a more mature and much stronger person. Don’t get me wrong, there were a few select friends that were there for me during the whole thing and tried to understand. But during a difficult time in my life, a lot of people I was close to vanished from my life because they thought I was faking or they didn’t want to take the time to understand my situation. It took a few months for me to get back to myself, and when I did I realized who my true friends were.
So, thank you, for cutting yourself out of my life so I didn’t have to later on.
Love,
The girl who isn’t “just faking it”